The Last Line
by BeastCorbin
Summary: Set post Vol.7: SPOILERS Dee goes undercover for a drug bust, now he's addicted and falling away fast! What will Ryo do? R&R please! DeeXRyo yaoi durr, drug content. ch 10 up, and complete!
1. The First Time

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own FAKE, characters or anything etc etc, but I do however thoroughly enjoy the fact I can write this fanfic!**

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**Dee's POV**

I had spent months working undercover for the coke bust. I had worked my way up in the typical way, but of course some things I did I knew might have tipped them off I was a cop. The little automatic law-enforcer that had grown behind my eyeballs was the one to blame for the way I dutifully stooped to check for a pulse on one of the members of my "gang" after he had been shot in a firefight with a rival gang. Ryo had injected that crazy little beast in there with all his saintly behavior. I didn't think he would influence me to the point of borderline-endangerment on the job, but he had good intentions.

Aside from a few other instances, I had successfully played off the "coke-head gang member" character to a tee. That could have possibly been because of my childhood street smarts resurfacing. When offered a line or one of those little spoons full of cocaine, I was able to decline saying 'No thanks man, just had some on my way over.' Or something to that effect. I managed to keep my speech fast enough to pass off, and quite frankly deserve an Oscar for my performance of coming down. I had witnessed it once in some perp we had picked up and held in a holding cell until he was released to his parents, him being underage, and picked up for strange behavior.

It was obvious Ryo was worried about the whole situation, he had offered to go undercover in my place, but I had convinced him that he was too honest, his eyes always gave him away.

I thought of that night, the way he had pouted at me until I couldn't help teasing him further about his honesty, making him throw his pillow at me playfully. I sat around the table, playing drug-addict charades with the boss of the "company," and thought about the wrestling that had ensued, then of course, the way I couldn't resist bringing my lips to his soft, light shoulder, his mouth on my neck, his hot breath in my ear. I shivered appropriately, just as the suitcase of powder was turned so I could see it from my seat next to the boss.

Boss Man opened one of the bags, pulled the spoon out of his breast pocket, dipped it on in, as I had watched him do a dozen times, brought it to his nose and sucked it up gracefully.

"Good. That's good." He muttered, handing me the spoon and setting the bag in front of me. "Have some, kid."

"I'm good actually, sir." I said so only he could hear. Only he and the microphone taped to me. I had wormed my way in so tightly, the boss had told the men that were going to search me that it wasn't necessary; that he trusted me and that should be enough for them.

Boss stared at me as if I had been caught trying to murder his mother, whom he loved dearly, he constantly mentioned.

"Do you know how many street rats I've had sit next to me during such important deals, Dee? Do you know how many little cunts have been offered to use out of my bag? Show some fuckin' respect. Not to mention the fact you're offending our friends who were kind enough to come out of their way for us."

Rage flushed my cheeks. '_Screw your _friends_, you can take your respect and shove it-'_

I almost punched him in the face, talking to me like I was no better than the assholes sitting across the table from us. Like I was lower than them. I almost blew my cover, but quickly regained my composure. Tossing my training and regard for the consequences aside, I scooped a small pile of coke into the spoon covered one of my nostrils and snorted it.

I had never done cocaine before. As a teen I had smoked my fair share of pot, but after Jess' death I straightened myself out substance-wise. I sighed when I sat back. At least I had done it right, judging by the way Mr. Pisshead was nodding at me while he took back his spoon. I hadn't spilled any, which could have completely given me away. My hands were shaking and I couldn't remember when exactly the boys in blue were going to be storming in. I unconsciously glanced at the doors I knew they would be coming from.

The suitcase was snapped shut, making me jump a little, and the money, which they had already viewed, was slid over to them. The instant the other guy touched the faux leather the doors slammed open, making me fly backwards in my chair as if I had stuck a fork in the light socket that was suddenly right next to my head.

In a flash I was on my feet, gun drawn, pointing it at whoever was closest, which was luckily the boss man that had insulted me, not one of the police officers now flooding the place, forcing the dealers into cuffs. Ryo was next to me, cuffing the boss.

"It's alright, Dee, you can put your gun away, it's over." He said gently to me. The other dealers were being led out, I stood there dumbly, heart racing behind my rib cage.

"Dee, what the hell is this?!" That piece of shit was yelling as he was being led away by Drake, who offered to take him from Ryo.

"A bust, what does it look like?" I snapped, "Show my co-workers a little 'fuckin' respect,' you little cunt!"

"Dee, you can put your gun away." Ryo said calmly, touching my arm. My gun was still clenched in my fist, hanging at my side. I moved to return it to where it had been tucked into the back of my pants. My hands were shaking so badly I felt like I was going to accidentally pull the trigger and shoot my ass off. "Are you okay, Dee? You look tense."

"I'm fine. That asshole made me use that shit." This sentence came out in a rush, then Rose came up to us. "What do you want?" I growled, anything but prepared to have to swap banter with him.

"I heard it on the microphone, you know protocol." Berkley said coolly, pissing me off with his attitude and the way his eyes seemed glued to Ryo, even when he spoke to me.

"Well, it was either that or blow my cover!" I was yelling, about to lunge forward, his throat between my hands, and for an instant I got such a vivid mental image of Rose struggling while I strangled him that I thought I was actually doing it, until I felt Ryo's cool hands on my shoulders.

"Look, Rose, let me just take him home. He really needs a little time to himself. This case has been so rough on him…" Ryo gave Berkley a pleading look and Berkley faltered.

"If you think its best, Ryo." He answered, turning dismissively to watch while the evidence was taken from the table.

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"Can you believe that guy?" I was ranting at Ryo in his car on our way to his apartment, mine being too messy for his taste. "He acts like he's so high and mighty- I worked my ass off on this case, you know that! If it had been anyone else- first of all, he wouldn't have said anything about protocol, it's like taking a bullet, but not as painful, I can't feel nose, or my face. Secondly, before I get too far off topic, shit I forgot what I was saying." I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, then ran it through my hair again. Keeping myself moving felt like my goal because every time I moved I felt a wave of well-being. I went quiet, feeling the back of my throat going cold. "The drip," I'd heard that called.

"You should take it easy, Dee." I watched Ryo for a moment and we pulled up to his apartment.

"We're here already?" I asked. "Oh, I remember what I was going to say! If it was anyone but you who said they wanted to take me home instead of going through all that ridiculous shit, he would have said no!"

We were climbing the stairs but I couldn't remember getting out of the car, or if Ryo had responded to what I had said. I watched him struggle to find his key in the dim lighting of the hall, and he had the sweetest face, frustrated and quizzical, it gave me the strongest urge to watch those lips on me, around me, sucking, that soft chin dripping with my cum.

I had him against the wall in an instant, his keys hit the floor and my hands were at his belt, fighting with it.

"Dee, wait!" Ryo cried, trying to get my hands off of him, "Dee, cut it out! Dee!" He managed to squirm away from my claws and my ravenous mouth.

"What? What's wrong?" My words came out like a demand and Ryo gave me a hurt face while he wiped my sticky saliva off his face.

"'What's wrong?'" He repeated. "You know I don't want my neighbors to know-"

"Fuck your neighbors, what do they care? What do you care that they care?" I tried for those lips again. Ryo tried to hold me back.

"Dee! I do care!" I abruptly took my hands off him. I had upset him. Ryo bent down to get his keys and I grabbed his hips roughly, but stopped because I didn't want to piss him off any more than I already had. "Let me go." He said softly, and I obeyed.

He pushed the door open and flicked the lights on. Not even looking in a mirror, I knew my pupils had not reacted to the light against the lighting of the hall because I didn't even blink. Ryo had gone into the kitchen, I watched while he pulled his jacket off, his strong shoulders straining his gun holster. I kicked the door shut and locked it.

"Ryo, come here." I cooed. He wasn't at all as eager as I was, so I was going to have to seduce him tonight. I needed it.

"Just a moment, Dee." I listened while he took off his holster and he came around the corner. "Yes?"

"Come here." I beckoned him to me, pulled him close, ran my trembling fingers through his hair and met his lips with mine. Ryo pulled back and laced his fingers in mine, trying to pull me to his bedroom. "No, here." I said, pulling him back.

"Here?" He quizzed. I nodded and tried to guide him down onto his knees. "Wait, Dee, what are you trying to do?"

'Mm, I want you to suck me." I breathed into his ear.

"Not like this, it's humiliating."

"No one's around."

"It's demeaning; I don't want to do it like that."

"Ryo-"

"Look, Dee, I know you're on cocaine, so it's not really you talking right now, so I wont get angry, but its not right to do it like that, okay? Let's just go to my bedroom, okay? It'll be better in there, I promise." I nodded again, hungry for anything I could get.

I hurried in there, Ryo in tow, and shut the door. I pushed against him and kissed everything I could reach, leaving streaks of spit across his cheeks, up his neck.

I pushed him onto the bed.

"Whoa! Careful Dee, you could have hurt me." I stood over him, unbuttoning my shirt, unzipping my pants.

"Sorry." I said, but I didn't mean it. He wouldn't have gotten hurt; he landed on a mattress for god's sake! I dropped my pants, finally letting my painful erection free. I felt a tug at my chest and Ryo laughed. The microphone and the recording device hung from me.

"You still have the microphone taped to you, silly." He moved to come up close to pull it off. I winced as his hands reached for the tape.

"Shit, I got it, I got it." I muttered, batting his hands away and roughly ripping the cold object off my skin. I didn't feel a thing and it hit the ground with a thud. I crawled up to hover over Ryo, panting into his neck while I pulled at his buttons.

"Shouldn't we turn the mic off?" Ryo worried.

"No, just leave it." I kissed him to take his mind off it, so I wouldn't be interrupted.

Ryo's hands worked at his own fly while I heaved myself against him, my breath was getting heavier and louder, and I finally managed to get his shirt off. I attacked his nipples with a ferocity I hadn't even known I possessed. After a few fierce seconds of my mouth on him he had dark red patches across his chest and those pink little nubs were nearly raw. "Touch me." I moaned, bringing his hand to where I needed him most. Ryo caressed me gently for a moment before stroking the fire that was consuming me.

"Dee-" He groaned. With a little wiggling and tugging his pants and both of our pairs of underwear were shed.

"Suck me now." I demanded. Ryo rolled onto me and slipped himself off the side of the bed, linking my knees over his shoulders. When he took me in his mouth I nearly choked on all the liquid the glands in my mouth were producing. I thrust up into his mouth, staring, watching while he tortured me with his tongue. I felt the tight, hot knot deep in my belly- the sign of an impending orgasm- but I couldn't let everything I was feeling go that easily. "God, Ryo- I wanna fuck you- ah- Let me- Let me-"

Ryo obediently climbed up and I set him the way I wanted him, facing me, legs up over my hips. I was slick enough from his mouth, so I was able to sink right into him without all the lubrication nonsense.

"Dee- Dee-" Ryo groaned. "God, you're so hard- "

"You're so beautiful…" Every time I opened my mouth to grunt or moan a line of thick ropey spittle dripped down onto Ryo's light chest. "So gorgeous-" I was actually groaning about what I was feeling, but Ryo figured I was talking to him, so he smiled a little, telling me he loved me. When he sighed for me to go deeper I had no complaints. I sunk in to the hilt. I felt the knot again, and started pounding into Ryo as hard as I could; the only thing on my mind was reaching that place. I knew I was reaching the point of physical exhaustion; I always seemed to get there just before I come, but I didn't feel it coming on. My muscles, my entire body burned with the effort of keeping myself going, the burning almost distracted me, then Ryo guided my hand to his dripping cock and I pulled at him, hoping he would come with me. I thrust hard and fast, until the leftover spit that had been allowing our pleasure was no longer quite enough.

"Ow, Dee, wait-"

"I can't- I'm close, baby-" I panted, trying to push deeper.

"Dee, you're hurting me!" I ignored him, even though I knew I should stop, I was just so close-

"Wait, wait, I'm almost there-" I thrust again and again, but I didn't seem to get any closer to the end.

"Dee! Stop!" He yelled at me. That's when I got a brilliant idea. I stopped pushing and sped up the hand I had been stroking him with.

"You're still full Ryo, I'll just watch, come for me, babe." Ryo's body writhed under me, flexing and he thrust himself up into my hand, his dark eyes clouded over in ecstasy. I used both hands, one to hold his head toward me, so I could watch each pearl of pre-cum as it dripped out of the slit, the other to side his foreskin back, pulling the slit into a small O. If I had been flexible enough, my tongue would have been right there alongside each drop, but I didn't have to bother because soon Ryo's voice was heightening, begging for me to finish him off. A few moments before I assumed he would come I started to push, trying again to get myself off. His voice took on another quality and he came hard, his cum smattering my chest and neck. The tightening of his muscles around me and that sexy, pained look under those sweat-soaked bangs finally pushed me over the edge. I exploded inside my precious Ryo and dropped off to his side.

My heart was pounding harder rather than slowing, like it should have been.

"Thank god Bikky's not here tonight." I grunted.

"Oh my gosh, Bikky!" Ryo cried. "I completely forgot he was here!"

"He's here?" I asked dumbly.

"He's supposed to be. Stay here, let me check." Ryo pried himself off the bed, pulled on a pair of sweat pants and headed to the next room.

The little brat was probably traumatized after listening in on Daddy Dee and Daddy Ryo having crazy, drug-induced sex. My throat was suddenly parched and I felt like it was absolutely necessary to consume a particular colorless, nearly flavorless liquid.

I went into the bathroom that was joined with Ryo's room and cleaned myself off before donning a towel. I wandered out just as Ryo came out of Bikky's room, Bikky not far behind.

"Ew! At least put some clothes on afterward!" Bikky shrieked upon seeing me.

"Shut up, monkey! I know you think I'm drop dead sexy!" I growled, pulling him into a headlock and giving him a noogie.

"Get off me, pervert!" I laughed loudly, letting him go.

"Guys, the neighbors." Ryo warned.

"Jeez, that hurt!" Bikky was saying, rubbing his neck while I got myself a glass of water. "Don't get one for me or anything." The brat complained, elbowing me out of the way while I downed the whole glass.

I was sweating more than I ever have making love to anyone, aside from the first time with Ryo. But that was nerves, not drugs. I hadn't even been quite that horny since puberty. I liked it. And being able to keep going for so long, and how fantastic every movement had felt. It was almost like everything, every touch, the feeling of each muscle moving- was like a miniature orgasm in itself.

"How are you feeling, Dee?" Ryo asked concernedly from where he leaned at the counter with his glass of juice.

"I actually feel damn good." Bikky made a face at me.

"Hungry?" I filled my glass again.

"No." Ryo shook his head and stared hard at me.

"But you're always hungry after sex."

"OK!" Bikky yelled, "I'm going to bed before you can talk any more about the gross things that sicko does to you. G'night Ryo." Bikky kissed him on the cheek, making me snicker.

"You don't want know what I did to Ryo's face tonight." I told him.

Bikky gave me a horrified face and wiped his mouth furiously before gargling with his water and glaring at me all the way back into his room.

"That wasn't very nice, Dee. Poor kid."

"That 'poor kid' happens to hate me. Maybe you've forgotten."

"He doesn't really hate you. He's just trying to be tough."

"I know." I did know, It was exactly the way I was when I was his age. "So." I started, leaning next to Ryo. "Did he hear everything?"

"No, I found him with his headphones on full-blast, and his hands over them."

"_Poor kid_." I smirked, then shivered. "Ooh, its cold in here. Could I turn up the heater?"

"It's not cold. You're probably starting to come down." I rubbed my arms, trying to generate heat in them only to find the cold had somehow seeped under my skin. My skin was hot, but underneath it I felt like I was freezing.

Ryo guided into his room, under the covers. It was no warmer there. I shivered while he cuddled with me. My stomach started hurting after a while, but by that time Ryo had drifted off and I didn't want to disturb him. I didn't sleep at all the whole night, but when Ryo's alarm woke him and I sat up to shower with him I felt fine, as if I had slept the whole night through.

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TBC…

Hey hey! So we made it through chapter one pretty good, eh? Hope all you kiddies enjoy-ed it mighty good. R&R please!


	2. Tampering with It

**DISCLAIMER: Sanami Matoh's masterpiece characters yadda yadda, not mine. GO! GO! BIKKY!**

A/N Thank you so much for the few who reviewed and added my story to your favorites/story alert! You know who you are. .

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Chapter 2: Tampering with It

**Ryo's POV**

I woke to my alarm blaring in my ear, echoing around the room, and had to reach over Dee to shut it off.

"Morning." He muttered, fully awake.

"G'morning." I murmured, resting my head on his chest and laying a few kisses there. "Did you sleep at all?" I yawned.

"No."

"You feel alright enough to go to work today? If not, I could call you in sick."

"No, I feel fine." His fingers wove themselves into my hair, he pinched my ear lovingly and smirked. "I got kind of crazy last night, didn't I?"

I nodded, trying not to blush as I remembered how amazingly sexy Dee had looked, that driven expression across his face, the way he had actually drooled over me.

"What did that stuff make you feel like?" I asked, understandably curious. His green orbs widened and I knew I hit a verbal nerve.

"Oh my God, it was so intense." He suddenly perked up, pulling himself to sit up, my head being left to his lap. His eyes were as wide as they had been last night. "It was like whenever I moved I felt so good. And the energy, the stamina- Could you imagine, if you had to chase down some scrawny, shoplifting brat, we old farts wouldn't have a chance right? However, if we did a little of that stuff we could run around the city all day, and catch the little bastard too!"

"Are you saying everyone on the force should start using cocaine, which is illegal, remember-"

"Yeah, no dur it's illegal, I was just saying, you know-"

I didn't know.

"You just wouldn't understand." Dee shook his head and pried himself out from under me completely and toward the bathroom.

"You know you hurt me, right?" I asked, this time trying to mask the hurt I had felt when he had acted so selfishly. Dee had never treated me like that in bed before. The only times he had ever told me to 'wait' was when he was pleading with me so we would come together. I couldn't look at the apology in his eyes; I was too embarrassed by the memories of his honey begging voice.

"I remember, I'm sorry." He came back out to me, offering me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"How?" I inquired, melting inside from the soft smile he gave me.

"I'll think of something." Then Dee pressed close, automatically sending the butterflies all aflutter in my lower abdomen. He wrapped one arm a round my waist and took my hand in his other. He danced me in a slow, lazily romantic circle. "Maybe something involving candles and some good money changing hands."

I blushed, thinking how sweet a romantic dinner out together would be.

"When?" I practically sighed.

"Our anniversary, when else? It's the day after tomorrow, isn't it? How long have we been together now, four, five years?"

"Don't exaggerate." I giggled. "Partners for four, together for three."

"Mm." Dee rested his cheek on mine. "I could swear it was longer than that. I feel like I've always been with you. You just took a thirty-year vacation from me." I beamed and blushed at his words. "I love you, Ryo. But I've gotta take a shower. I don't want to smell like sex all day." He released me and winked winningly.

"I love you too." I told him. Dee gave me his biggest smile.

"Alright, alright, I'm in there now, mushy kid, before I make you shower with me and make us late for work." He headed for the shower while I headed for the kitchen. I made breakfast for the three of us. Bikky ate and left for school before Dee had gotten himself dressed and I was starting to think we'd be late shared shower or not.

The front door to Precinct 27 didn't creak when we snuck in. I slid in first, ready to catch the blame, even though the blame rested almost entirely on Dee and traffic. Twenty minutes late was bad, especially for me.

"LAYTNER!" Chief Rose shouted. Dee and I both froze, guilty. "YOU'RE LATE! You'd better have a fantastic excuse for this one!"

Dee and I passed a look.

"Last night _is_ a fantastic excuse! You should know that, Rose!"

"Not good enough." I watched while Berkley grabbed Dee by his ear. I was obviously off the hook with this one.

"Wait! Cheif, whaddabout Ryo? Ryo's late too!" I rolled my eyes, leave it up to Dee to point out the obvious.

Berkley eyed me for a moment, then reached out to pinch one of my earlobes gently.

"True. But, you know, it just would not do to have Ryo wandering around all day with a red ear." He ruffled my hair and winked at me slyly. "As far as I'm concerned, Ryo was on time today."

"Oh come on!" Dee shouted while Berkley dragged him toward his office. "Ryo's my carpool, and you know it! Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!"**(1)**

I slunk toward the two desks Dee and I were assigned. As I sat, locating the paperwork Dee would eventually talk me into doing anyway, I remembered the mic and recorder that we would have to turn over as evidence today. My face felt like I had plunged it into a boiling pot of water. We never turned it off, it had recorded everything, even-

"Say Ryo, you okay?" JJ asked as he was passing me on his way to his desk, a box of files in his arms.

"Yeah, you don't look too well." Drake was behind him, carrying another box.

"I- I- I'm fine!" I stammered out.

"Well, if you're trying to do an impression of a strawberry you're pretty damn good!" JJ laughed and continued past my desk.

"Or a beat!" Drake chided.

"Drake, don't be dense, beats are purple, radishes are red!" JJ said playfully.

"Same difference."

"Nah-uh!" JJ insisted.

"Yah-huh!" Drake pushed. Their bickering continued, but I tuned it out when I saw Dee on his way to our desk. I stood immediately.

"That bastard said he's gonna take it out'a my pay." Dee grumbled.

"Dee?" I asked tentatively.

"Yeah, what?" He sat heavily across from me.

"Do you- D- D-Did you, by any chance…"

"What are you babbling about?"

"The tape. The tape, Dee." I wrung my hands nervously. "You didn't turn it in to Berkley, did you?"

"Nope, got it right here, why?" He pulled it out of his jacket pocket and tossed it on the desk.

I went around to Dee's side, glanced around, and pocketed the device. To speak to him I had to lean down. I couldn't have any of our co-workers listening in.

"Don't you remember last night, I asked if we should turn the mic off, and you said 'no'?"

"No." He gave me a confused face, then realization dawned on him. "Yes." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"It wasn't recording an empty room, Dee."

"Oh shit. What do we do? We can't hand it in to Rose like that, he'll listen- ew!" Dee shuddered.

"I could take it to Jim in evidence first, explain, and maybe have white noise recorded over it."(2)

"That could take an hour. Or more."

"Well, what do you propose?" He gave me a blank face.

"Exactly. Could you stall Berkley?"

"Wait, _me_ stall Berkley?" Dee raised an eyebrow at me. "_You're_ the one he has the infatuation with."

"Well, yeah." I blushed. "But do you really want me alone in his office with him for an hour? Or more?" Dee puffed up possessively.

"No. Good point. Okay, I'll stall for you." I stood to my full height again and who happened to stroll right up to us? Berkley Rose.

"So, you boys have that tape for me?" I stared up at him, no answer prepared.

"Y-Yeah." I stuttered. Stupid. Stupid. I could have said we left it at home. Said I would go get it.

"Alright, I'm going to need you both to help me analyze it. Shall we?"

Dee stood and when Rose had his back to us he shooed me silently. I couldn't budge from the trail Berkley made all the way to his office door. The whole way Dee tried to shove me toward evidence without catching the chief's attention.

"Go!" Dee finally whispered.

"Something bothering you guys?" Berkley asked as he turned the knob of his office door. I knew I would have no chance to get up the courage to leave that room once I entered it.

"Yeah, Ryo's gotta take a piss really, really bad." Dee smirked at my blush. "But the devoted little sweetheart he is, he doesn't want to leave me." Dee pushed me a little toward the bathrooms which were luckily just next to the evidence department.

"Well, this could take a while, Ryo, you better go now." Berkley sighed, obviously put-out by the thought that he and Dee would have to sit in the same room until I got back.

I headed to evidence, found Jim, and held out the tape for him.

"Aren't there supposed to be notes?" He asked. My face nearly sizzled.

"Yeah, well, um…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "Actually, there's something that was recorded on here that me and Dee agree should not, uh, be listened to. By Chief Rose."

"Tampering with evidence, Ryo? I didn't take you for that kind-"

"It's not tampering!" I said defiantly. "It was recorded after the bust."

"It could still be important." I would have laughed if I hadn't been so frazzled and determined.

"It's not."

"Well, let's just have a little look-see."

Before I could protest Jim popped the tape out and stuck it in a tape player at the side of his desk. He began rewinding it. The tape had been filled completely and probably shut itself off when it ran out of recording space. I was so perplexed about where he might stop the tape I could swear I felt the white hairs crawling out of my scalp.

He hit stop. Then play.

"Shit, I got it, I got it." Dee said from the bowels of the tape. There was a thud. Jim watched the player, his brow furrowed.

"Shouldn't we turn the mic off?" My voice was lighter than I ever realized it was. He glanced at me when he heard my voice.

"No just leave it." There we muffled sucking sounds. I was suddenly dunked underwater and simultaneously stabbed with thousands of pins and needles as I heard our ragged breaths coming from the tiny speaker. "Touch me." Dee's voice moaned, catching the attention of a few other officers in the room. They looked over at us and I thought I was going to pass out.

"Dee-"

"Suck me now." Dee's voice demanded from the player.

Jim finally pressed stop again and his eyes tried to meet mine.

"Oh." He said. When I managed to bring my eyes up to him he looked pale. "How long were you- does it…?"

"I don't know, maybe an hour. Or more." I mumbled.

"Well, it's going to take about that long to take that off."

"I don't have that long, Dee's stalling Berkley, they're waiting for me."

"Then you're out of luck kid." Jim shrugged, ejecting the tape from his player and handing it to me. "You could always try, you know, waiting for a long enough pause and saying that it's over. Before it gets into all that."

"That's brilliant!" I snatched the tape away from Jim and hurried back to Berkley's office.

I opened the door to find Berkley and Dee immersed in silence, staring each other down.

"I have the tape, I'm sorry I completely forgot." I shut the door and crossed the silent room. Neither of them looked at me, even when I sat, placing the tape on the desk.

TBC…

(1): Planet of the Apes reference! (Tho Dee doesn't seem the type...)

(2):There is a Jim in evidence or something, right? I haven't read the books in over a year.

A/N: And then Dee and Rose turned into giant zombie-aliens and ate RYO!! Jus' kidding! I know, I know, it's a horrible place to stop, but what can you do? It's six pages on Microsoft word already. I will most likely have an update tomorrow evening if not later tonight. I've never been this devoted to typing out a story before, they're usually hand-written. Review please!! I love my adoring fans! -chaddieboi

Ps- I just realized I wrote at the end of last chap. That Dee "woke to shower with Ryo" inconsistency, I know, I apologize from a place deep down, just below my soul. ::rubs diaphragm::


	3. Perversion

**DISCLAIMER: FAKE is not my original creation, these situations are, stemming from the seed Samani Matoh has planted in my forehead, causing these strange things to root, blossom, bear fruit, and sometimes wither and fall off the branch. .**

Chapter 3: Perversion

* * *

**Dee's POV**

"Take it back, Rose." I snarled, finally breaking that horrid, tense silence. He had been saying some cruel, vile things about Ryo while he was trying to fix the tape for us. My temper had flared. I was _not _in any kind of mood for this wad's shit.

"Oh, come on guys, could we just skip it today and get this assessment done?" Ryo asked, then settled into an embarrassed hiatus, having spoken out of turn against Rose. Ryo looked agitated, like he didn't want to be stuck in that room any more than I or Rose did. "I'm sorry, chief, but could we just… listen to the tape?"

Chief Rose shrugged and leaned forward, tapping the tape with his fingers.

"You're right Ryo. We should move along with business, rather than pursuing any more sophomoric games," his eyes narrowed, darting to me, "-Laytner."

"Me? You started it-"

"Dee." Ryo warned, a soothing hand reaching out to touch my tense arm.

"He did." I insisted quietly, more to myself than to Ryo.

"Alright, alright, settle down Ryo and friend."

'_And friend-' _I almost let loose another insult, but choked it back down into my throat when he began rewinding the recorded bust. I suddenly worried Ryo hadn't had our little escapade erased. It' couldn't have been done that quickly, could it?

The machine clicked as it finished and just as Rose was about to hit 'play' his phone rang.

"Get ready to start your notes while I take this real quick, gentlemen." Rose answered his phone and turned his chair away from us.

"Did you get it fixed?" I asked as I leaned into Ryo's ear.

"No, but I know what to do." He answered shakily.

"Sorry about that." Rose sighed and swiveled himself around to face us again, hanging up the phone mid-swing. "Let's get going."

Ryo and I leaned over our yellow-papered pads, pens in hand, cueing Rose to hit 'play.'

The first forty-five minutes went nearly seamlessly. After that, Ryo's fidgeting increased.

I hadn't even noticed it at first, being too busy with my notes to even give a glance, but soon I was made to notice. Ryo is not one to fidget often, but when he does it is the worst, most distracting kind of fidgeting possible. Not to understate the pressure we were under, I was worried about the consequences of having that on the tape, but Ryo had pretty much told me he had everything under control.

This did not look like control to me; this looked like virgin prom queen in the backseat of a Volkswagen, skirt hiked up, crown askew, blood-pressure sky-rocketing, the quarter-back murmuring promises they both knew were lies.

Ryo shifts so loudly in his seat, tries to clear his throat discreetly, mutters what he's writing out loud- I couldn't concentrate on my own page with all that racket going on beside me. But Rose didn't even notice.

The recording made it to the end of the deal and we listened to me while I snorted the coarse white grains. The eyes of the other men in the room seemed to meet mine simultaneously and a shiver I couldn't explain slid up my spine. The reaction to the sound caused all the tiny hairs on my arms and all the way up the back of my neck stand on end.

We swapped words with Rose and the noise quieted down as Ryo and I headed to Ryo's car.

"That's-"Ryo began. The ringing of the phone cut him off.

"Shit, I'm sorry, just a second." Berkley grumbled, taking the call. He spoke briefly, and by the time he hung up I was into my rant about it. It was immediately obvious who I was talking about.

"_He acts like he's so high and mighty- I worked my ass off on this case, you know that! If it had been anyone else_-"

Rose raised his eyebrows at me sending parallel lines of burning paranoia down the back of my neck.

"This is how you talk about me behind my back, Dee?" He questioned coolly.

I was about to answer truthfully when there was a knock at the door. Without waiting for a reply, JJ walked in, asking about getting the rest of the day off, that he and Drake finished digging out the old files on-

"Oh, I'm sorry, you're busy." He was about to retreat, but Berkley stopped him.

"No, by all means JJ, come on in, have a seat. Come listen to what your precious Dee thinks of me."

JJ closed the door and hesitantly made his way over to sit on the edge of Berkley Rose's desk while my voice shouted "-_instead of going through all that ridiculous shit, he would have said no_!"

The tape player went quiet again, but we could distinctly hear two pair of feet clomping up a flight of stairs. We were at Ryo's apartment.

"R-Really, sir, that's all t-there is on there-" Ryo was sputtering hopelessly. Rose waved a hand, dismissing Ryo's attempt to get it shut off. I knew it wouldn't be any help if I tried to turn it off. I was the bad guy in all this.

There was a slight shuffle of feet, clothing, and the unmistakable sound of my lips trying to consume Ryo's. There goes my hallway lunge. This surprisingly was not getting me all in a tizzy like it was doing to Ryo. We listened while Ryo tried to get me off him. Ryo's face looked like it was about to light his hair on fire.

"_You know I don't want my neighbors to know_." His sweet voice murmured.

"Sorry about that." I muttered to the Ryo in the room. The flaming face bobbed in an accepting motion.

"_Fuck your neighbors_."

"That too."

Berkley's eyes were on Ryo, I took his hand possessively and noticed JJ staring at me; hand over his mouth, cheeks flushed, but nowhere near as brightly as Ryo's.

"Really, Chief Rose, that's- there's nothing else on there of any i-interest-" Ryo tried again, face nearly glowing as he lied to the only two people in the precinct this recording would be of any interest to.

"No, I'm- Honestly Ryo, I'm interested in what you two do when you… head home early." Rose returned.

"I'm sure you are, Rose, but-" I was about to come up with an award-winner of a cruelty.

"That's our personal life-" Ryo started. He fell silent while recorded Ryo tried to persuade recorded me into his recorded bedroom.

"Eeee! No way! I get to actually listen while Dee-" JJ wobbled on his perch and looked as though he was going to faint.

Beneath his blush Ryo was pale.

The recorded springs of Ryo's mattress recoiled under the weight of Ryo's body hitting it.

"_Whoa! Careful Dee, you could have hurt me_." I swear I could hear my rapid heartbeat coming out of the speakers.

The microphone was mentioned, it thumped onto the floor. Berkley and JJ were attentive and both seemed to relax a little, though not much, when I said to just "_leave it_."

The slurping of the ravaging of Ryo's chest came to us, his sexy noises would be enough to turn on half the precinct, regardless of orientation. Rose looked like he was trying his hardest to resist whipping it out and having a go at himself right then and there.

"_Touch me_." I moaned, and I thought I sounded to die for. There is nothing sexier than listening to a recorded version of yourself and your lover in the throes of passionate lovemaking. Ryo's hand was rubbing at his jaw and forehead irritably.

"_Dee_-" Ryo's recorded throat growled.

"_Suck me_-" Ryo interrupted the mental masturbation in the room by storming out of his chair and ripping out of the office.

Without making any kind of decision, I tore out after him. I followed his quick pace into the men's room. As I came through the door he whirled to face me.

"I can't do it, Dee." My darling had tears smearing his lovely face. I hadn't know it would get this out of hand. "I-I just can't, I tried to sit there and take it, but I can't- Not with them looking at us like that-" His hands worked at covering his face and I had to take him in my arms, had to comfort him.

"It's okay, Ryo. It's fine. It'll be alright, I promise." I murmured, pressing his head to my chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist, swaying slowly and shushing him soothingly.

His sobs finally subsided and he snuffled loudly.

"I'll never be able to show my face in this precinct again. I'll have to transfer."

"Ryo!" I scolded, holding him at arms length to look him in the face. "Don't be daft, that's the dumbest idea! You can't transfer over something like this!"

"But, it's so embarrassing!" He groaned. "You know they're still in that office listening to that. It'll be whispered between desks for as long as we work here!"

"It will not." I argued, hugging him tightly. "I swear. Berkley and JJ will probably just wack it in there today and never mention it again."

"You know they'll make jokes about it." Ryo pointed out.

"So. What's a few jokes?" Ryo looked up at me skeptically and I grinned down at him. "You can handle a few jokes, right?"

"Of course."

"_Those kinds_ of jokes?"

"I could try."

"Okay then." I grinned a winning grin and pushed him toward the door and out into the hall.

We made our way back to our desks and sat. No one batted an eye at us. Nobody made any comments. It went smoothly as Ryo's sweet ass, and we continued writing out the paperwork. Or, rather Ryo continued, muttering still about a transfer, while I fiddled with a few paperclips. My head kind of ached anyway, I didn't want to invoke the wrath of a deadly migraine today. While I sat I took in what my body was doing. After an experience with a drug like the one I did, I wanted to know how my body, which is usually pretty healthy, was coping. Not only was my head behaving out of the ordinary, my stomach felt like a void. I felt no desire for food, even though I know I should, but it felt a different kind of desire. It felt an empty yearning for something other than food. It wasn't a sexual craving, those obviously being entirely different, but it still felt like a taboo, carnal craving.

Ryo an I sat there for a while, knowing JJ and Rose were still busy in Rose's office, minding our own business, when the PA system snapped to life over our heads and the whole building was filled with the sticky, delicious sounds of he and I, along with another undefined noise.

I slammed to life, running to Berkley's office to see just what the hell he thought he was doing over the PA.

I rushed the door, screaming about violations of personal information and psychological trauma to find a most stunning image before me.

Rose had JJ's hand in his fly, hand gripping the edge of the table, PA button crushed, and JJ had dropped his pants entirely, Rose's hand forced hard into his boxers.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS IT YOU THINK YOU TWO ARE DOING IN HERE?!" I shrieked, scaring the two out of their delicate state and into opposite corners of the room where they buttoned and zipped up. "YOU HIT THE FUCKING PA BUTTON YOU ASS!" I screamed. I slammed the door behind myself and went back to my desk. I sat calmly and shut my eyes. Too much stress today. Too much. I peeked at Ryo, who had his head in his hands. "There's no way anyone could know it was us recorded. I totally sounded like it was Rose and JJ going at it, which they nearly were anyway." I said to him, to calm him down a little.

"This is a disaster." He grumbled.

"Self-proclaimed disaster." I badly needed a cigarette.

"But a disaster nonetheless." Now more than anything I needed to get away form Ryo's negativity. I stood and went round to him, squeezed his shoulder.

"It's going to be more embarrassing for them to come out of that office than this whole ordeal has been for us." I assured him, gave him another tender little squeeze, and went down to the vaults to check on the stash we confiscated.

* * *

"Hey, Dee! What're you doin' down here? You never come down here." Craig commented from his desk when I waltzed on in. 

"Oh, I just came to… check on the coke from my bust last night." That sounded suspicious to my ears. "Did you hear about it?" I asked, grinning, hiding my raw nerves.

"Yeah, I heard you go so close to the boss they didn't even pat you down going in. You should be an actor, that takes skills." Craig nodded, a smile in his eyes. "I envy you guys upstairs. You get to have all the fun."

"If you could call it that." I shrugged, feeling my smile cracking. "So, how's it doing?"

"Nice and snug, back in vault 92. That was a major deal, we made off with, like, twenty kilos."

"Yeah, made off good." I couldn't keep myself at bay anymore. "Could I see it? Just to make sure… for my own… peace of mind."

"Yeah, come on back."

I followed Craig back into the rows of "vaults" which were actually more like big lockers. I kept my eyes sharp while Craig undid the combination. If I had been able to concentrate I would have had it memorized.

The vault door swung open and I was met by a sight I suddenly found to be beautiful. Thick bags of white, stacked four high, three wide. The glands in my mouth poured pools of liquid under my tongue. I swallowed it discreetly, and cleared my throat.

"Have you sent samples into the lab yet?" I asked innocently.

"Nah. I've been lazy, I know. I really should. Hey!" I jumped because my hand had been unconsciously tracing the corner of the open locker door. "Would you mind taking the sample up for me?"

"You'd trust me to do that?" I replied automatically and cursed myself for it.

"Sure, you busted the S.O.B.s, why wouldn't I trust you?"

"Okay." Craig left me alone with the dangerous white bags as he went to get a sample baggie and a scoop. I felt nervous standing there alone, like he would suspect me of stealing some when he came back. When he returned he just gave me a smile and set about scooping a small portion into the smaller bag. He handed it to me and I numbly mad my way to the base of the stairs. Craig thanked me on my way back. I answered him quietly.

Usually when I am holding evidence I feel dirty, like I've been the one who used it, be it a weapon or a drug. However, when I put that little plastic sack in the front pocket of my jeans, I felt powerful. I was the master. Of myself. Of this precinct. Nothing would bother me today. The only problem that did bother me in the two hours I neglected to hand the sack over to the lab, was how to keep it in my pocket and not get in trouble for it.

* * *

It came to me as I'm sure many famous epiphanies come to people, I suppose, in the shitter. I had just finished my business, zipped up my fly and felt that little package in my left pocket, and I remembered something someone had written about having an envelope of coke in their pocket. "_It's like this tiny powder hard-on that wants attention_."**(1) **Except he had been in a hospital bathroom while his best friend was dying. Not at work. In a police station. I turned to flush the toilet when it hit me. Say, hypothetically, I dropped the bag in the toilet, accidentally of course. Craig would have to give me a new sample to give to the lab. The two-hour delay? Embarrassment. How embarrassing it must be to drop something in the toilet, much less to admit it to someone! **(2)**

I was going to do just that, and I sure as hell would get away with it too. I smirked to myself and suddenly the bag was out and open in my shaking hands. My fingers dipped into the grains gently. They clung to my skin like eager little children begging for a treat. Without a thought in my head I made them _my_ treats, I stuck those dappled fingertips against my teeth and sucked the powder off.

The metallic taste, like blood and plant-life, made me crave more of the flavor. It was like those little pleasures in taste you have as a kid, like sucking on metal keys no matter how many times your parents tell you it's unsanitary. My mouth was almost immediately numb, and I reveled in it. The small bag was replaced in my pocket and I made my way back down to the vaults.

"Hey, back again? Twice in one day! This is a rare pleasure, Laytner." Craig was beaming up at me.

"Yeah, well…" I drifted off and tried to play an embarrassed look across my face.

"Uh-oh, what happened?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

"I, uh, misplaced it." I felt like my trembling limbs were giving me away.

"Misplaced it where?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Well," I tried to blush which wasn't hard, my heart was pounding my blood through my veins so harshly I felt like my whole body should be flushed. "You see, I was in the men's room-"

"Okay." Craig**(3)** cut me off with a good-natured wave of his hand. "I get it. Here." He whirled in his chair, pulled out a baggie, the scoop, and handed them to me. "Go get the lab some more."

I stood for a moment, holding the scoop and bag dumbly.

"What's the combination?"

"2-26-14." Craig answered off-handedly. "Don't keep the lab waiting." I rushed back to locker 92, rolled out the combo, and the door swung open with a satisfied creak of its hinges. I filled my little bag as full as I could so it would sit a centimeter high if laid out flat. I flattened it and slid it into my right pocket.

This time when I left I went straight to the lab and dropped off the smaller bag in my left pocket.

* * *

Back at my desk I was given a portion of the paperwork to do by a still-flustered Ryo. I went to work on it without complaint, finishing my portion before Ryo finished the page he was on. 

Ironically, we got a call for a shoplifter, and were sent after him. I caught the brat like I had claimed was possible after chasing him twelve blocks, over three walls and through two garbage-strewn alleys.

Ryo didn't know my little secret. He didn't know about the package in my pocket. I always thought he could read me like a book. He wasn't even suspicious.

'_I could totally get away with this_.' I thought on the way back with the perp kicking the cage behind our heads. '_I could be new-and-improved-Dee: Super cop._'

I would pull it off under all of their noses like I did today. I would get away with it.

* * *

TBC… 

**(1) **This quote is directly from _**DRY.**_ The book by Augusten Burroughs, one of my favorite authors. I own all his books, _**Running with Scissors**_,_** Magical Thinking**_,_** DRY.**_, _**Sellevision**_, and_** Possible Side Effects**_. Plus _**Running with Scissors**_ on DVD. DRY. is about his battle with alcoholism, it spans across 10 years of his life. It is truly inspiring and my favorite of his books.

**(2) **Such a situation occurs in Alex Sanchez's book, _**Rainbow Road**_, which is the third after _**Rainbow Boys **_and _**Rainbow High**_. The situation is that Nelson had dropped his cell phone in a toilet during a road trip, and when they get to their destination he meets a boy who admits he had dropped his cell phone in the toilet. Ha ha ha. You had to be there.

**(3) **By the way, I made this guy up. I made him too happy for the story he feels out of place. Craig was my second choice for my name. Chad won out coz it's more masculine, but I'd date someone named Craig in heartbeat. Someting about the name reminds me of sex. (It could be a character I wrote in a story who was nearly a sex-fiend, who was named Craig)((He was a coke-addict with his boyfriend Alex)).

A/N: DUN-DUN-DUN! Uh-oh, Dee's gone cra-Z! What have I gots up ma sleevies for the next chapter??? Tune in next time to find out! I will definitely have the next chap. up before the week is out. Sorry I didn't get this one up earlier, the last chap ended with a nail-biter! Xoxoxoxox to those two who have reviewed and those who continue to add as favs/story alert. Your love and support fuels my passion for the story. Especially how difficult this is to write even though I'm more than a year clean off the coke! (April 12th '06 was my last line!) -Chaddieboi

Ps-with-drawl is a bitch!!

S.W.A.K.


	4. Don't Sweat It

* * *

Chapter 4: Don't Sweat It 

**Ryo's POV**

I lay in the silence of our bedroom. My bedroom. Over the years that Dee and I had been together he had become a regular fixture within the walls of my apartment.

He and Bikky got on well, despite the semi-constant bickering and witty banter. They had their moments too, though. Also on the plus side, Bikky had learned to accept that once Dee and I retired to our bedroom it was entirely "Adult Time" and he had to stay out. He also somehow learned to accept that Dee did do the 'perverted' things he once tried to protect me from.

But tonight, the night before our three-year anniversary, for some reason Dee decided to sleep at his place. I pondered over what he could have planned for our anniversary. He had sweetly hinted at a romantic dinner out, but that means I'd have to figure out where Bikky would stay for that missing time, and tomorrow night. No doubt tomorrow night would be a very special occasion for both of us.

However, he deciding to sleep there rather than here with me must mean he's plotting up something good. Maybe a classic, like rose peddles leading to the bedroom, or something original… I couldn't think up anything original on my own, so I rolled to the side and tried to put it out of my mind. It was a near-impossible feat. Three years was a good amount of time. My personal longest relationship. Dee's too, he had told me.

Maybe a ring. Maybe he wanted to go to his place so he wouldn't have to explain why he was leaving. Leaving to get me a ring. Thrills ran through my body when I thought about it. A proposal on the three-year anniversary, who could want more?

Trying to imagine just what kind of band Dee would buy, I let myself finally slip into sleep.

* * *

I jerked awake to Dee banging on my apartment door. For an instant I thought I had overslept and didn't pick him up for our carpool. 

Dee's license had been temporarily suspended for reasons he initially told me were mistakes. It turned out he had been speeding, as was common for him, but he got ticketed a few too many times in one week for Chief Rose to ignore. Honestly, it wasn't very police-like behavior, but that was Dee for you.

I sat up in bed, thoroughly confused when I found it to still be dark out. Pitch black. I checked my clock. 2:02 am stared back at me with lopsided, luminous red eyes. I threw my covers off myself and headed to the front door, which Dee seemed to pound on harder and more ferociously with only brief pauses between each spasm.

"What is it, Dee?" I whispered out at him from the doorway.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" He said roughly back, pushing his way past me.

"You could have woken up the whole neighborhood with all that noise." I grumbled, snapping the door shut and locking it again.

Bikky's door creaked open and he stood in it, rubbing puffy eyes, peering out into the dark room Dee stood tensely in the middle of.

"What's goin' on?" Asked his sleep-cogged little voice.

"Nothing." I answered quietly, going over to him, ruffling his hair a little. "Dee just came home, that's all. You want some hot chocolate, Bikky? It'll help you get back to sleep." I offered.

"Ryo, I need to talk to you. It's urgent. Really urgent." Dee panted. I tilted my head at him a little, welcoming whatever it was that got him in such a state.

"Privately." He clarified, borderline panic in his raspy voice.

"Hey, Ryo, no offense, but I'll pass on that cocoa." Bikky offered from his doorway.

"Okay, well, do you want me to come in and tuck you in?" I inquired softly.

"I'm almost sixteen, _dad_, I don't need you to tuck me in anymore. Besides, whatever Dee has to say is real important. Headphone time." I pecked him on the forehead, which he promptly wiped off and bade Dee goodnight before heading in to sleep, locking his door behind himself. I crossed to Dee.

"Why didn't you use your key?" I asked gently, wrapping my arms around Dee's waist.

"Don't touch me right now!" he snapped in a whisper, flinging my hands off him. I was taken so far aback I might as well have been thrown through Bikky's bedroom wall. I had thought maybe he realized he couldn't make it a night alone in his bed. I was obviously wrong. "I need to talk. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so mean. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." I answered, pondering whether it would be okay for me to touch him now to let him know I forgave him. I decided against it. "What do you need to talk about?"

"Let's talk in the room." He took me by the arm in a sharp grip and dragged me into our room. Once he finally dropped me from his fierce grip I sat on the bed, watching him pace like a maniac. As he strode to-and-fro his throat worked itself loudly, swallowing and clearing itself. I suddenly worried something horrible had happened, maybe he hadn't been able to afford the ring, or his reservations had been cancelled. Or worse.

"Dee, what's this about?" I asked cautiously.

"I need you to take care of me." I raised my eyebrow at him. Didn't I do enough of that? Doing his laundry, washing his dishes? He must have recognized the look in his face, because he tried to clarify himself. "I need you to… watch over me tonight."

"Why?" I questioned.

"I just need you to stay awake with me." He was obviously avoiding the question.

"What for?" I enunciated my words as carefully as I could. I did not want to lose that much sleep tonight. I figured it was okay if he wanted to make love, we could sleep afterwards, but what did he expect us to do? Waste precious sleeping hours twiddling our thumbs?

Dee didn't answer me, but he came to the bed, crawled on, kicked his jeans off, and crawled under the covers.

"Hold me." He purred. "Just stay awake and hold me." I smiled comfortingly and peeled my shirt off, joining him under the blankets. But when I settled myself in his arms I felt his body trembling, and feel the heat he was giving off. I shifted, setting my hand on his chest. Usually feeling his strong heartbeat would comfort me. Tonight it scared me shitless. It felt as if it was trying its hardest to break it's way out of Dee's ribcage.

"Dee, your heart-" I started, reaching a hand up to touch his face. He flinched when my palm came into view, as if I might strike him. I was further surprised by that. Neither of us had, or ever would raise a hand to one another. Why would he flinch like that? "Are you okay? You're trembling all over-" I withdrew my hand from near his face and held onto his arm instead. It was less like trembling, more like an insistent vibrating.

"Ryo." He stared into my worried eyes, his playing a quick game of tennis from one of mine to the other. "Ryo, I did it again. I know I shouldn't have, but I did."

"What'd you do?" I encouraged, more than a little confused.

"Coke. I did it. At home. Now I feel like I'm swallowing my uvula, I can't breathe."

Coke. My eyes went as wide as his were. Cocaine? My Dee, doing cocaine after the whole…? Where did he get it? Why? Why would he do that? He of all people should know the dangers of drugs, after his friend when he was growing up… Arnon, and Jess. He should know. I wanted to scold him, wanted to shake him and interrogate him, but I couldn't bring myself to do any of it. I just lay there dumbly, pressed between his twitching fingers that were tangled in my hair and his sweaty, pounding chest.

"So… you want me to watch you?" I asked stupidly. He had just told me that, and here I had to repeat it. Like a jackass.

"Make sure I keep breathing." My heart skipped a beat. Respiratory arrest. One of the dangers of cocaine. Along with Cardiac arrest, OD'ing. I noticed for the first time that his chest was heaving against me; the look on his face told me he was focusing all his attention on keeping his lungs functioning. It was all probably in his head, delusions. Cocaine caused those too. If take in too large a dose (but not enough for an overdose) it could also cause hallucinations, be they auditory or otherwise. Though auditory was most common.

I was given a task by my shaken, desperate lover, and I knew I couldn't let him down, especially if what he was feeling really wasn't a delusion and he was about to become dangerously close to being a statistic.

"Okay." I murmured, trying to hide my hurt that he would do something like this. IT wasn't the Dee I knew to pull something like this. Okay, he was kind of known for deviating from regulation every once in a while (maybe more often than that), but I would never expect something this. "How did this happen?" I begged of him, feeling panic welling up in me. I had to be very, very watchful tonight for any change in behavior, and it was going to be a long four hours, but first I needed a few answers.

"Well, I was just going to do one line. So I did. I didn't feel much different, I was lying in bed on my stomach, watching the clock. Suddenly it was an hour later, so I did another line, cause I didn't feel much of anything. Then it was another hour later, every time I looked at the clock. Each our I did more because I wasn't feeling it. Then I was doing sit-ups because I felt it, I had to move, okay? Then my throat started to feel funny, so I looked at it in a mirror, checking on it, I stuck my fingers down my throat, and sure enough it wasn't working, it was like it had an… erectile dysfunction or something. Then I sat down, tried to calm down, and the air was going into my stomach, and my spit into my lungs and-" He didn't seem to be able to go on. I couldn't imagine anyone that would want to feel like that. "Then I had to think about breathing, I thought I was going to die, Ryo. I kept seeing them finding me tomorrow, or days down the road, dead. I thought it was respiratory failure."

I didn't know how to respond to his rushed words, so I nodded a little and rubbed his hot flesh.

"Are you ever going to do it again?" I asked gently. I prayed he never would. Drugs were not things anyone should be involved with. Much less an officer of the law, and my partner in every aspect of the word.

"No, no, never." I nodded again and uttered a quiet '_Good_.' Before letting myself relax further into his arms.

"You should try to get some sleep. You can't go two nights without." I murmured.

"I'll try." Dee snuggled into my arms and closed his eyes, which popped open again almost immediately. HE closed them again stubbornly. Soon his breath was calm and deep, but his body frequently jolted, as if reminding him there was a drug raging through his system that wanted him awake. I let my own breathing slack. After a few minutes of feeling about ready to drift off I felt Dee shaking me gently. "Ryo, wake up."

"I'm awake." I muttered.

"No you're not, you were snoring. I need you to stay awake."

"I am awake." I groaned, peeking at him from under my eyelashes. "I wasn't snoring."

"Yes you were, stay awake." I rolled my eyes and close them. Auditory hallucinations. If he had taken enough to OD on he wouldn't have made it to my apartment. He would have died at his own place. My eyes flew open, imagining that could've easily happened. Inexperienced and Uninformed, the most dangerous kind of drug use sent my Dee into a drug-induced freak-out when it could've landed him in a coma or worse. But he would be okay after tonight. He was going to live, even if he didn't get much sleep, and he had told me he would never use again after this. So everything would be better in the morning. We stayed like that, his jerks becoming less pronounced and less frequent as the morning wore on.

* * *

The sun rose. When my alarm went off we rose together, showered, his symptoms still persisted, making me insist he stayed home for the day. He refused, saying he would be fine. I tried to get him to wear a tie, our anniversary being kind of formal, I'd like him to look nice, though I didn't say that. He fussed about it and ended up throwing his tie at me. Sleep deprivation was not going to make Dee into a happy camper today, of all days. 

But that was okay. It was understandable. He won't do it again. It would be okay. We'd get past this speed-bump easily, and everything would be normal again. This was just a little bump, not a road-block at all. It will all be okay.

'_When you're quiet but your eyes are saying everything I need to know_

_I want to burrow like a sparrow, dodging alley cats and whiskers_

_Why do we talk in whispers? Is it painful hearing voices ring _

_So early in the morning? _

_I've been waiting for the day where I can throw away _

_These numbers that line my dresser drawers and cupboards,_

_Start me over_

_Life seems so much slower with your toothbrush by the mirror_

_Can I make it any clearer?_

_[Chorus And I just might tell you tonight, and I just might tell you tonight,_

_And I just might tell you tonight that I love you and you should stay all my life_

_They'll tell you that you'll maybe make it_

_If you just cut your clothes and change your hair_

_Well I wont fuss and moan 'bout what you wear_

_I feel so much better when I read your dirty letters_

_Just wear your sweater in the winter_

_I wouldn't want you to get cold _

_I hope that we're together when we're old_

_I would've sold all my possessions_

_Never took piano lessons_

_But, baby, you're a Grand and I will learn to play the good notes_

_And tune you up the best I can_

_[Chorus And I just might tell you tonight, and I just might tell you tonight,_

_And I just might tell you tonight that I love you and you should stay all my life'_

-_Might Tell You Tonight_

-by

* * *

**(1)**This whole thinking your uvula is dripping down your throat paranoia, where you feel like your inhaling spit and the air is going into your stomach, and the having to consciously think about air filling you lungs to keep them working, and the auditory hallucinations of snoring did happen to me. (and time elapses by the hour- the whole on-your-stomach-staring-at-a-clock and it being an hour later and doing another line each time you look at it also happened to me). This all occurred in a single terrifying night last February. I also did seek help, so I could be watched and not die in the night with a line set up next to my bed, which I had. So keep in mind, this is written from experience, and NOT RECOMMENDED AT ALL FOR ANYONE TO DO._** EVER**_.

**(2) **Scissor Sisters- my favorite band, singer: Jake Shears (legally Jason Sellards)-gay, singer: Ana Matronic (legally Ana Lynch)-straight, bassist/keyboardist: Babydaddy (legally Scott Hoffman)-gay, guitarist: Del Marquis (legally David Gruen)-gay, drummer: Paddyboom (legally Patrick Seacor)-straight, unofficial member(dj): JJ Garden-unknown. The song does not tie in to the story much, but I believe it gives off a little of how Ryo feels about Dee in general. Scissor Sisters are from New York, are presently touring with their new CD, they are most widely known for their first single _Take Your Mama_, which is about taking your mother out, getting her drunk, and telling her you're gay. Also known for _Laura_ which is about the girl who was found wrapped in plastic, "dead as fuck" as Jake Shears so lovingly puts it, on the riverbank of the town Twin Peaks (Yes the David Lynch show/movie, _Twin Peaks/Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me_). _Filthy/Gorgeous_ is another song they're kind'a known for about… uh, drag queens tripping on acid or something? But their new song is out now _I Don't Feel Like Dancin'. _And _She's My Man._ I went to the first concert of thier tour last September! Friggin amazing in concert, they put on such a show!! I'm trying to squeeze in too much info. I'm done now (No more caffeine for me).

A/N: There it is. I hammered this story out from my poor aching fingertips tonight with the aide of coffee, a much more healthy stimulant. I love the claka-claka-claka of the computer keyboard. The only sound that's better is a typewriter, but alas, I would have no way to post this that way. This way… that way… "_But I don't want to go among mad people_" remarked Alice. **Pop Culture Trivia:** Did you know that the girl that Lewis Carroll based Alice on had the initials "L.S."? Hence the name _Al-ice_.

THANKS YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONTINUING SUPPORT RYU-SHU AND KITKAT!! 3 LOTS'A LOVE PARA VOUS!


	5. Progress or Desolation?

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own FAKE or any of it's Characters. I do like to toy with them though.**

_I apologize for how horrible the last chapter was- editing-wise. I was wired on coffee, I left words out, messed up words, and forgot the (1) for the first footnote, it should have been after the paragraph where Dee explains his, uh, symptoms. Sorry about the inconvenience. I also (stupidly) got the lyrics of the chorus wrong its 'I just might say it tonight, I just might say it tonight, I just might tell you tonight…' not all the same repeated. Sorry again._

Chapter 5: Progress or Desolation?

* * *

Dee's POV

Two nights without sleep and I felt like shit. Not just shit either, but real S. H. I. T. Sick, Hostile, Insensitive, and Tense. Ryo noticed, took note and shut up about it after my first snap.

He kept quiet at work, but he kept watching me. My jaw kept clenching up and I had to work to pry it open on the few occasions when I spoke to colleagues. Eventually that faded into the cold I had felt before. I knew it must be my body trying to adjust to my lowering body temperature as the drug wore off.

It lasted longer than I expected it to. I did the last line at about 1:30 am. As far I could remember, little details seemed to escape me more and more frequently as of late. For instance, I couldn't remember changing my pants this morning, but I obviously did, as how I am not now in my pajamas. I remember getting my jeans out of a drawer Ryo had for spare clothes of mine, and I remember picking up my pajamas from the floor and tossing them in the hamper, already in my jeans. Nothing in between.

Didn't matter. What mattered was that I was coming down and I was not happy about it. If fact, most of the day I was on the verge of sneaking to the bathroom to fix my chemical problem. I, however, avoided even going near the bathroom at all costs because I knew that if I went in there and did more I would have a hard time sleeping tonight.

* * *

I desperately needed sleep. Before half the day was gone I was caught snoozing across my desk by an angry-looking Chief Berkley Rose. Ryo managed to explain away my obvious lack of sleep at home somehow, only to get a few giggles out of JJ, who sat listening in from behind him.

I rested my chin on the backs of my hands on my desk and stared up at Ryo, my protector for the day, through my groggy eyes.

"You got rid of it, right?" He asked gently from across our desks.

"What do you think?" I snapped, still pissy. I don't know if I expected him to think I did get rid of it, or if I hadn't. I figured he would take it his own way anyway.

"I hope you're telling the truth, Dee. We can't have Berkley finding out."

"Oh, shut up about Berkley already! What does he matter? He hasn't been at this precinct as long as I have. He doesn't know the first thing about anything!" I tried to keep my mouth quiet, but I was soon nearly shouting. "And why do you always call him 'Berkley,' huh? Why do you always call him by his first name, Ryo? Are you really that familiar with him?"

"Dee! No! What are you thinking?" Ryo answered, standing with a hand on my shoulder, another memory lapse refusing any information as to when I stood up, or even that I did.

"God Damn it!" I screamed, pushing Ryo's hands off me and blazing a way into the break room, which was thankfully empty.

The coffee I poured sloshed over the edges of the mug I'd chosen. I poured hastily and drank it straight, black. I needed caffeine, if it wasn't going to be more cocaine in my system- I needed something to keep me moving. But the coffee wasn't hitting me hard enough, or fast enough. I groaned down at the cup that wasn't helping like I thought it would.

I plopped myself down in a chair and lit a cigarette. It only helped a little, but that was progress, right? Making myself feel better? Ryo wouldn't be able to make me feel better. So it was up to me. I slipped my hand into my jacket pocket to put y lighter away and there I felt it. The smoothness of the bag with those sticky little white dots inside. Temptation. I quickly withdrew my hand, not wanting to fall for that trick.

"Just one more time, what will it hurt?" The bag sang. "Just one more line, just to get you through the day. You'll feel better afterwards."

I closed my eyes and took a long breath in through my nose, letting it out slowly. I followed this breath by a long drag off my cigarette and a general parallel of it. I relaxed into the chair I had unconsciously sat myself in and watched my cigarette burn down, suddenly no longer interested in smoking it.

* * *

My day could not get more miserable. I felt like I was walking around with this huge secret in my pocket and Ryo could see right through the leather- that's why he kept giving me puppy-dog eyes and disappointed glances. As our shift was drawing to an end I finally cracked after one particularly heartbreaking look.

"What the hell is up with these looks you keep giving me?" I snapped. Ryo looked further hurt and let his mouth hang slack for a moment before answering.

"You really didn't remember?" _'Didn't'_ being past tense?

"Remember what?" I asked, getting annoyed with his pussy-footing.

"Dee, our anniversary." His voice almost broke when he said this and I felt like the biggest, most selfish creep alive. This statement and feeling was punctuated by another hurt look and Ryo quickly turning his face away from me.

"Oh my God, that's right." I muttered, rubbing my temples. I had promised him a nice dinner and now it was already evening and I had made no reservations. Anywhere.

So to top off my shitty day, I have an upset boyfriend and a ruined anniversary. Maybe.

"Well, lets just stay in tonight." I offered. "I'm not really up to a night out."

"Did you even make any reservations?" He looked back at me with those dark, tearful eyes and I felt even lower because they held no hope that I would say yes. It was the kind of question whose answer was already known. The question was just put out there to point out the answer to those who might have missed it.

I didn't want to see his face when I shook my head, so I kept my eyes firmly in my lap.

"Dee, this meant so much to me, to us." His voice was breaking now and he had to take a steadying breath before he continued. "I don't even know what t-to say." He sniffled and I managed to bring my eyes up to watch him wipe away a few tears. "I even called Bikky at school, giving him permission to stay over at Carol's tonight, if they'll have him."

"I'm sorry Ryo-"

"Dee, I think you should sleep at your own place tonight."

"Wha-" I sputtered. "After the way I went over to you this morning?" I asked. This made Ryo think. Which was what I needed him to do, since I seemed incapable.

"You promised me though. You broke your promise."

"I haven't been thinking properly-" I started truthfully.

"No, obviously not, showing up in the middle of the night, all coked out!" Ryo raged, loud enough for Drake to hear.

He turned and stared at us in shock and disbelief.

"Could we not talk about this here?" I asked Ryo, taking his arms as gently as I could in my panic. I was borderline caught, and if they searched me, tested me, I could lose my badge. Or more importantly, my job, and even possibly Ryo. I couldn't let any of that happen, not if I wanted to continue being a part of our 'happily ever after.'

Ryo flung my arm away from him and glared at me before going to clock out. I was left with Drake staring at me as if I had punched him in the face and yelled obscenities about his grandmother.

"What?" I aimed at him, "Have I offended you in some way?"

Drake shook his head and set his wide eyes back on his work.

It was going to be a long night of sucking up, a long night of promises I would remember to keep. I would have to. Tonight would have to be special.

And I am damn well going to fix this, and _make_ it special.

I clocked out right behind Ryo and he drove us home. I tried to make innocent conversation to have only icy glances and a stone wall to go on.

* * *

When we arrived home Bikky was not there, no doubt at Carol's. I locked myself in the bathroom with the phone, calling around to see if there were any open times for reservations that night. _Rien__. A__bsolutment rein._**(1)**

I couldn't believe my horrible luck. Of all nights everyone had to book their nice dinners…

I sat in the bathroom longer than necessary, hopefully giving Ryo some time to cool down. Besides, I was wiped out and barely wanted to move anyway. I pulled out the white bag and briefly contemplated… but, no. Too late in the evening, I needed sleep far more than any form of energy.

I stood to look at myself in the mirror and realized how different I looked. I had only used that stuff a few times and already my body looked slimmer.**(2) **My skin looked like it was clinging tighter to my muscles than before. My face even looked like it had lost weight in the cheek areas. I actually didn't look half bad, I could even afford to lose a little more weight, get really trim for Ryo. And myself. I always kind of wanted a swimmer's build, maybe now I could make myself one from scratch.

I looked at the baggie one last time. _But not tonight_, I decided, pocketing it again.

I went out to Ryo, who was laying on the bed, reading a book with a sour look on his face. Time to grovel.

"Any luck?" He asked cruelly, not bothering to look up at me as I approached him. I kneeled next to the mattress and laid my head on his warm thigh.

"I'm so sorry Ryo. Maybe tomorrow night-"

"Tomorrow night isn't tonight!" He tried to push me off him, but I crawled up to straddle his legs, snatching his book out of his hands and tossing it away.

"Can't you just forgive me for tonight, so it's not so miserable for both of us?" I asked, taking his hands in mine.

Ryo frowned at me. "You lost my page."

"You don't care about that and you know it." He blushed a little and I knew I was right. He'd rather have me on his lap than some stupid book. "So, please?" I pouted. "Please forgive me? I'll take you out tomorrow night, I'll make up for all this, alright? I swear."

"Promising again?" Ryo raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Swear to me on Jess' grave."

I hesitated. I didn't like that. I never liked it when people swore on someone's grave, especially someone important to them. But I swore on it for Ryo. Because he asked me to.

And in return, he didn't push me away or complain when I leaned in to kiss him, or when I let my hands roam, or even when I pulled his hands to follow suit on me. Soft kisses and light touches were all we accomplished, for both of us soon fell into separate, but equal, states of exhausted sleep.

**(1)**'Nothing. Absolutely nothing.' (En francais.)

**(2)**If you have a slim body type to begin with, physical signs of the weight-loss show almost immediately. Sometimes even just after the first time, depending on height and weight before you started using.

A/N: Continued thanks to those who have added my story to their Favorites and their story alerts. (Wow all my stuff is brief this time, must be the hour, _2:00am exactment_, and lack of caffiene).

A special thanks to Kitkat for your support of my sober life, however long _that_ lasts while writing _this_ story! (Jay-Kay-ing of course! Ha ha!) Thank you, it means a lot to me. Nobody ever says things like that to me. Much love,

Chaddieboi


	6. Innerludes

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own FAKE as I may have aforementioned in previous chapters… **

* * *

Chapter 6: Inner-ludes

**Ryo's POV**

The day after our disappointing anniversary I didn't have very high expectations set for Dee. Especially after all he'd gone through in the past few days.

At work he stole JJ's laptop and looked up restaurant numbers. That alone surprised me. I had expected him to just sit around and bitch and moan about everything as usual. Today he was astonishingly productive.

He made calls in the break-room while I covered for him, keeping Rose busy. Halfway through our shift we got a call for a double homicide-suicide. It took a few minutes of persuasion to get Dee to go with me to check it out because he was getting so frustrated with making reservations.

He was pissy all the way there, but when we showed up and had to deal with the scene he immediately became Mr. Business. It was one of his masks, like Mr. Player, or Play-a, whatever he called it.

When we first showed up to check the scene we were accosted by a brutal image in the dining room area. A naked woman had been severely beaten to death with what appeared, judging by the injuries themselves, to be a hammer. Upon closer inspection I found a dark spot on one of her temples, one I could not determine.

"Dee, come have a look at this." I called. He came over carefully, trying to keep out of the way of the evidence personnel. He leaned over the body, her eyes were still open and I wanted more than anything to have them shut. I hated the ones who seemed to examine you right back. Especially this one, who barely even had a face left for those blue eyes to peer out of.

Dee slipped on a glove and pulled back her hair a little, bringing his face down closer.

"Oh, Jesus Christ." He grunted.

"What? What is it?" I inquired curiously. Dee looked up at me with eyes I only saw at crime scenes. Deep, sad green eyes, full of pain and helplessness.

"A nail. Our boy was a construction worker. He's in the living room."

I didn't say anything; I just tried to hold back the sick feeling. It seemed like no matter how many crime scenes I see, that illness still comes back. I wish I hadn't asked- left it up to the coroners to find.

"Come on." He led me to the entry of the living room. I stepped over the hammer on the way out, which proved my initial hypothesis. The nail gun lay in the middle of the floor between our suicide and where we stopped.

Suicides always made me feel depressed. To think that this man had felt that life was no longer worth living because of his circumstances… that he found himself in what seemed to be a completely hopeless situation with no escape… Maybe I just didn't understand, but no situation could possibly be that bad. And definitely not permanent. Everything could be fixed, couldn't it? It was just such a shame they couldn't see the silver lining.

Our suicide lay across his couch, blood everywhere, knife next to him in one of the smaller smatterings on the light cushions. I could see the source from where I stood, as his hands were palm-up on his legs. Long gashes wove themselves from elbow joint to wrist**(1) **on both arms. His utility belt rested against one of his lifeless feet and the couch, forgotten.

"Where's the third?" I sighed.

"Bedroom. Typical infidelity case. He came home when he wasn't expected."

I followed Dee to the bedroom, shaking my head. If you're going to be with someone, _be_ with them, not someone else.

I was slightly shocked to see another woman in the bed, one hand cuffed to the bed-frame, the other hanging limply off the side of the bed. She lay on her stomach, multiple stab wounds to the back, and her throat slit. She still had a look of shock and fear on her face.

I understood the man's motives for suicide a little more. If I caught Dee with a woman I would be devastated, but I wouldn't go berserk like he had. I would calmly allow Dee and whoever to get dressed and talk it over, maybe with both of them, to make sure it wouldn't happen again. I understood better, but it still seemed like a stupid decision, and nothing I would ever struggle with.

"He couldn't handle that she liked women, I guess." Dee rubbed the back of his neck, having removed the glove. "And it just made our paperwork stack that much higher." He shook his head and glanced over at me. "We better go get started on it. I just have to use the bathroom real quick."

He headed into the bathroom and I sought out Rose so I could tell him Dee and I were heading back to the 27th to get ahead on our paperwork.

"If that's what you call it, _Randy_.**(2)**" Berkley answered, raising eyebrows at me. I felt myself fighting the blush before it even rose to full fruition. _Those_ kinds of jokes.

"Actually, I'm not the one exploiting my co-workers." I returned, having heard all about the delicate state he and JJ had been caught in by Dee. At least I had some ammo in my camp too.

Rose stiffened and swallowed, pursing his lips stubbornly.

"That'll be all, McLean. You may go." As if he was dismissing me! I would have laughed if I had not been so ready to leave.

I turned on my heel and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Dee, are you ready?" I asked through the wood.

"Fine, yeah, just a second." I listened to hurried rustling for a few seconds before Dee appeared; no flush, no washed hands. Was he usually that unclean? I excused myself in after him, closed the door and slowly turned the handle on the sink.

As I often did at crime scenes, I felt like the faucet wouldn't actually work. Like it was all just a façade, like a movie set. However, like always, the water gushed out of the metal piping and I cradled some of it into my hands, bringing it up to wet my face. I happened to glance over at the toilet while I searched for a towel to dry my face on and I noticed that Dee had not even used the toilet.

I was immediately the slightest bit suspicious, of the rustling mostly. But no, Dee probably just needed a little time to himself like I had. He was just straightening out his jacket, that's all.

* * *

On the way back to the precinct Dee was fidgeting. The case must bother him. Nothing wrong with that. It bothered me too. He was upset. I was upset. It was all okay. He wouldn't have done anything so stupid again because he had gotten rid of it, like he said he had.

Of course, I hadn't _seen _him get rid of it, but I trusted him. As far I knew it was gone, that drama was over with.

"Would you do that if you caught me in bed with a woman?" He asked suddenly when I pulled our squad car to a stop. His suspended license also impeded his use of the precinct's cars. I turned off the engine and we sat for a moment in silence, Dee's knee bouncing.

"Never." I answered easily. "You know me Dee, we would have a-"

"-Talk, yeah. I figured." He slung an arm over the back of our seat and shifted to face me properly. "I love you, Ryo." He touched me chin when I smiled, his eyes zipping from my shoulders and chest to my lips, eyes, and lips again as he leaned into them.

"Wait, Dee. We have a lot of paperwork, and you still have to make up for last night before you get anything out of me." He hesitated for a moment before sitting back in his own seat.

I climbed out of the car and headed up to our building, Dee right behind me.

* * *

**Dee's POV**

I hadn't meant to do it. I really hadn't. I was stressed over the case, I was stressed out over not being able to make reservations for any nice restaurant in New York, within my price range.

I know I would never truly enjoy scoping out homicide scenes. I could deal with that. I might never really be able to cope with some of the things I've already seen on the job, much less what ever is in store for me. I couldn't deal with that. I wanted to push all those horrible sights into a big closet in my head and never bother poking around in there again.**(3)**

But I couldn't just do that. So I used that shit again. Not much, keep in mind. I did not overindulge. I hardly even indulged at all. I put some in my mouth because I liked the taste and it would help take my mind off those things I didn't want it on. It worked until Ryo pulled the car to a stop, but then I hadn't even thought about it, it just flopped out of my mouth unbidden. But I hadn't really _used_ it, because I used so very little, and didn't snort it. It was a form of therapy. Kind of an extra push away from things I didn't want hanging on to me.

Perfectly acceptable excuse. Ryo wasn't even suspicious of me. He was completely oblivious.

We slumped into our respective chairs in the office and Ryo poured over notes on the case while I did the same over JJ's laptop.

I finally decided on just calling a catering service. My idea was clever, even if caused by the drug, and Ryo would melt. I had _the_ idea. It was completely original, and Ryo would never expect it. The only problem was that my license wasn't in the best state, which I really needed to completely pull it off.

I called the caterer, set up everything, the time, the place, how many I'd be feeding, the flowers for the table, payment, everything. It took maybe twenty minutes all in all.

It would be perfect. We would have a waiter and wine, candlelight. **(4)**

If Ryo didn't faint I was going to get some damn fantastic sex for this one. Even possibly if he did.

I would kill for a boyfriend that could come up with something so romantic. But Ryo, I would die for. There is a distinguishable difference between the two.

I had a feeling Ryo's respect and love for me tonight would be shown tenfold.

I returned to our desk and gave him a gentle smile.

"Everything is set for tonight." I told him.

"Everything? That was pretty quick for how long it was taking earlier." He hadn't even looked up at me.

"Yeah, well I had to change my vision a little."

"Mm-hmm." He was too absorbed in his work to be interested in what I was saying.

"You're going to love it."

"Okay." I saw a little smile try to take over his mouth, but he wouldn't let it. He knew I was trying to make him curious, and I knew it was working.

That's what that little smile meant.

I returned JJ's laptop and spent the rest of the day hiding in the locker rooms alternating between push-ups and sit-ups, agonizing over getting that swimmer's build.

* * *

**(1)** For those emo kids out there, it's down the road, not across the path! (sorry, I needed a little comedy, it's such a grim scene).

**(2)** I tried to make it a double entendre, "randy" meaning "horny" in British/Irish terms, I don't know if I succeeded, but I did try. :/

**(3)** Sensing a little _Talented Mr. Ripley_, Matt Damon style. (He never did give Peter the key).

**(4)** Actually, his idea is not an original- my ex told me that her present lover pulled this one out on her on their six month or something. But I liked the idea, maybe I'll do that for someone some day…

A/N: Well, yes, you will not know what Dee has in store until next chapter. My love sent out to everyone still reading! Welcome to my kingdom- iloveyaoi and BlackRose! (I keep semi-close tabs on my fans- ha ha). And yes, I noticed this is the first chapter in which it switches POVs.


	7. 1963

* * *

* * *

Chapter 7: 1963

**Dee's POV**

After fussing over outfits in the mirror of Ryo's bedroom, we were both done up as far as we would go without involving makeup. I was feeling generally better, having come down at work in the locker rooms, alone. I was fatigued, but that wasn't about to get in the way of the night. Ryo hadn't even noticed the difference in my body, which was remarkable to me.**(1)**

Bikky had called saying he had been invited to spend the night again and that he had been by earlier to pick up another change of clothes. This was a lucky event, as Ryo had been fighting with the idea of calling up Carol's aunt Elina and asking if Bikky could stay another night, which he felt was rude.

After another while of fussing over having his wallet, a jacket, and other necessary things, Ryo and I were on our way down the stairs to his car.

"So where are we going?" Ryo asked once our feet met with the sidewalk.

"Yeah, about that, I might need to drive us." Ryo gave me a look.

"You don't have your license." He reminded me.

"It's just suspended, you know I can drive, Ryo. I need to drive us." He sighed and tossed me his keys, moving around to the passenger's side. He climbed in and I followed suit.

"Now, why exactly are you going to have to drive us?"

"Because you-" I reached into my pocket for the piece of fabric I had found in Bikky's room. "are going to be blindfolded."

He gave me a surprised look which was quickly taken over by a pleased one.

I wrapped the bandana around his eyes, knotting it carefully. His shoulders felt tense with what I hoped was anticipation and not fear of my driving skills. I started the car and eased into traffic. I drove around for ten minutes before heading toward our destination, just to throw him off the track of where we were going.

* * *

I parked the car against the curb and went around to open the door for Ryo. He had been silent the whole time, hands folded patiently in his lap. I took his hand in mine and helped him out of the car. 

"Where are we?" He asked.

"It's a secret." Truthfully, it was just Central Park, but what awaited us was going to blow him away. It was almost dark out and the crowds were nearly non-existent, we only had two onlookers as slowly I guided Ryo by his two hands back into the trees, following the path. When I came to the place I'd specified to the caterer I slunk between the trees, carefully keeping Ryo from gaining the knowledge that he was now surrounded by a forrest.

I saw the head caterer, put a finger to my lips to keep him quiet, and slowly moved Ryo into the ring of trees. There sat, as I had described over the phone, our anniversary. A perfect little table set with a white cloth, dark red fabric napkins, and two sparkling glasses for wine. A small bouquet of roses was nestled serenely between the settings. I was so blindly taken by the scene I almost forgot about Ryo's blindfold.

My arm around his waist, I moved him in front of me so he would have an unobstructed view and untied the bandana, moving to his side so I could watch his reaction.

As the fabric fell away Ryo's eyes went wide and he let out the loudest gasp I'd ever heard come from between those sweetly curved lips. For a moment he stood, stunned.

"Oh, Dee, is this-?"

"Yep, this is it." I murmured into his ear.

"Oh my God." He covered his mouth with his hand, eyes shining.

"Is it okay?" I asked, suddenly feeling like he wasn't as pleased as I had imagined he would be.

"'Okay?' Dee, this is gorgeous, I'm-" He didn't seem capable of finishing his sentence, so I didn't push him.

"It's good?" I asked, just to be certain. Ryo turned to look up at me and nodded enthusiastically.

"Perfect!" He flung his arms around me, making me flinch, which made me feel guilty because I knew the flinching wasn't a _natural_ reaction. I knew it was caused by what I'd been doing with most of my visits to the bathroom. I returned his embrace and his quick, soft kisses.

I escorted Ryo to his seat and pulled it out for him. As we both sat a waiter appeared from the dark around us, asked if we would care for some wine and with our nods, poured some into my glass. He poured very little in the bottom. I looked up at him, waiting.

"I got his Dee." Ryo said gently, a light laugh in the back of his voice. He lifted his glass for the waiter, who poured the same amount in his. I watched while Ryo swished his wine around before bringing it to his lips, getting his nose deep into the glass. He held it in his mouth for a moment before nodding and receiving more wine. My own glass was filled and the waiter disappeared.

"Very posh." I commented on Ryo's curious show.

"Mm, you have to remember the family I came from." Ryo sighed, leaning forward on his wrists. "Old money. I grew up with that kind of stuff."

"I feel so dumb. I feel like I need to sophisticate myself." Ryo laughed softly, obviously in high spirits.

"You shouldn't feel like that. I like you the way you are." I took a good-sized gulp from my wine and leaned in to match Ryo.

"You like my uncivilized ways?" I grinned, eyes following the line of Ryo's jaw while he sipped at his own wine.

"Very much." His fingers danced over the base of his glass. "It's a good wine."

"Yeah?" I inquired. "How can you tell?"

"It takes years to train you palette. My uncle used to take me wine tasting. I went with him like once a week until I went off to the academy. But it has a very well-rounded body. No funky aftertaste. No cork in it either."

I puzzled over his answer while I sipped my wine again, trying to taste a 'well-rounded body' and a lack of cork. I couldn't figure either.

"It's a good year, too. I'm guessing…" Ryo furrowed his brow and pursed his lips over another tiny taste. "The sixties, maybe 1963."

"1963?" I repeated. The waiter came back to us, set a plate of food in front of each of us. I leaned close enough to him to ask him the year of the wine.

"1963." He replied.

"No way." I laughed.

"I told you." Ryo rolled his eyes and apologized to the waiter, then thanked him for the meal.

I had chosen his meal as well as my own. His was what he usually got when we ate out at any Italian place, it was a kind of tortellini. I went with a simple alfredo, afraid the price would be too high if I ventured to get anything else.

The food was better than I thought it would be, having been made by a catering company and not a particular restaurant. I didn't feel hungry, but I made myself eat so I didn't seem strange or rude.

I glanced at the trees around us and wondered if the people with the caterer were watching us. I wondered if they cared that they were lending their services to making Ryo's knees weak for me, and easily spread when we got home.

Just thinking about how Ryo would behave when we got home was making me nearly flush with excitement. I tugged at the collar of my shirt, which was buttoned all the way up and felt slightly stifling.

We barely spoke during dinner and were both surprised when the waiter cleared away our dishes and brought us tiramisu**(2)** to share.

Ryo and I took turns feeding miniature spoonfuls of the rich mass to each other. Ryo's cheeks looked pinkish and I could tell he was feeling the wine much far more than I was; he never was much of a drinker. Despite all his wine tasting experience.

When we finished the head of the catering company came out to talk about payment. I took him aside, out of Ryo's earshot and handed him a credit card and told him how much I wanted to leave in tips and for who. I left a tip for him, the driver, the chef, and the waiter. I thanked him and he disappeared into the trees.

"You ready?" I asked Ryo. He stood and brushed his pants off.

"Yeah." The waiter was sent back to me with my card. He handed it to me gracefully, thanked me for the gracious tip and went to blow out the candles on the tabletop.

On our way out from between the trees Ryo slid his arm into mine and wove his fingers through mine.

"That was so romantic, Dee."

"So, did it make up for my mistake?" I muttered.

"It did much more than that. It went above and beyond. I never expected anything so… absolutely wonderful."

I smiled and squeezed his hand lovingly.

The lamps lit our slow footsteps while we made our lazy way back in the general direction of his car.

"I wish we could have taken the bottle with us." I said, it was actually just a thought that managed to get my mouth to cooperate with its realization.

"What, of the wine?" Ryo's voice was slowed by the alcohol, something I found strangely alluring tonight. He was so cute when he tried to play sober when he's been drinking.

"Yeah."

"We could buy a bottle on the way home." He suggested. I smiled a secret smile at him.

"We could." I agreed.

As soon as the door was shut and locked I had Ryo open the bottle of wine we'd bought, seeing as how he has so much experience with wine. He popped the cork and I took the bottle, taking a swig of it on the way to the bedroom. Ryo caught me on my way in and spun me so he could kiss me.

He pushed me against the doorpost and eased the wine out of my hand while I was distracted with his lips. He took a short gulp. It was a year 1963, this number was becoming my new favorite.

He didn't make any educated comments this time about the body or aftertaste. I had known he wouldn't. With the lure of more wine dangled in front of me, Ryo reeled me into the room.

I smuggled the wine off him and had him under me in an instant, wine in one hand while I struggled with his clothes and mine. Now leaning over his bare body, I could no longer fight the urge and tipped the bottle just enough for a few splatters of wine to hit his light skin.

"Wine stains, Dee." Ryo said in a wobbly voice.

"We'll just always remember tonight, Ryo."

"By the stains on the sheets?"

"Yep." With that, I moved down to lick and suck the red liquid off his chest, passing the pink marks from the other day. The other day felt like it had happened years ago. I tried to carefully pour into Ryo's belly button, but the wine was already clouding me over and making my fingers uncooperative. Regardless, it ended up on the sheet. Ryo didn't even notice, he clearly couldn't feel it trickle down his side.

It didn't matter anyway; all that mattered was the moan that escaped him when I slipped my tongue into his belly button before sucking up the wine. Next thing I knew I was pouring the wine across the fine hairs that led down to what my feral mouth was really craving. I filled my throat with Ryo and wine.

His body twisted under my ministrations and his hands pulled the bottle out of mine, I heard his throat working the wine down.

I worked the wine back to myself and wet down his shoulders with it, up his neck, inevitably dripping more onto the sheets. Even more 1963 was wasted on the sheets when I rolled Ryo onto his stomach and lubed up. I got no complaints from him neither when I nearly dumped the rest of the wine down his back, nor when I took him from behind, sighing into his ear while he pushed back against me.

We writhed together for what felt like hours to our wine-muddled heads, and it built up slowly. I touched Ryo while I pushed and he responded loudly to everything I did.

"Dee- I'm-" Ryo finally gasped, cueing me to slow the hand on him and pick up my own speed. That tactic in place, I tried to get us to come together. It was a wasted effort because Ryo had sent up the flag only seconds before he drained into a shimmering pool in my hand. But with his long, low groan and the flexing of his muscles and a few more quick pushes I was able to reach my own oblivion. I relaxed over Ryo's back, placed an adoring kiss on the back of his neck and ran hands that were being dragged through mud up his ribs. Ryo rolled under me, allowing me to rest my head on his chest.

He ran his hands through my hair slowly, sending pin pricks along my arms and down my thighs.

"I love you so much, Dee."

"I love you too, Ryo." I closed my eyes so I could listen to Ryo's heartbeat so it could soothe me into sleep.

Unfortunately I couldn't just think about how the night had gone as I drifted off. All I thought about was how much more incredible our lovemaking would have been if I had been spun.

* * *

**(1)**When you use that stuff the changes in your body are sped up, due to how it fucks with your metabolism. If you work out while spun you don't get as twiggy as you would if you didn't. And because you're losing weight, the bulk you build up in your muscles is more noticeable. Also, when you're on coke you PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to every little detail of you body if you're not distracted with other things. You begin to obsess over tiny, unnoticeable pieces of what you might consider to be fat, but is really probably just flesh. 

**(2)** I don't know how popular this dish actually is, but my dad loves it. It's a very rich dessert made up of layers of really rich things. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but according to my religious watching of _Top Chef_ desserts should not be heavy, they should be light and scrumptious. Tiramisu is thick and fills you up quick. Not quite the kind of dessert I dig. But_ 'it's a plot device, shut up_.'

A/N: More thanksies to those who continue to _revue_ and to kitkat, I really appreciate how open you were in your last review, I really hope your D got all they needed. I wish the best for them.

By the way, sorry I didn't get a chapter up over the weekend, I worked my ass off to bust off that nut of a chapter on Friday. I was out of town for the French Festival. (i.e. Fete Francais)

Love ya,

Chaddieboi


	8. Locker Room Confessions

**DISCLAIMER: My disclaimers keep getting cut off, so sorry. FAKE is not mine so on and so forth … Sanami Matoh blah blah blah…**

**I apologize for how horribly short this chapter is. Shortest one yet, I think. **

Chapter 8: Locker Room Confessions

* * *

**Ryo's POV**

I woke in the morning to the mess we had made the night before. The sheets- absolutely ruined. There was no way that those horrible red stains would come out. What would get out wine stains? Oxi-Clean, maybe. But not stains like this. They were already set-in and more than some little splotch. When I laid the sheets out flat they looked nearly tie-dyed.

Dee just laughed and said that was the price we had to pay for our passion, which I didn't completely agree with. Passion should come without a price, shouldn't it?

The mattress also had a few smatterings. The mattress that had belonged to my parents. Dee massaged my shoulder roughly when he saw what he'd done. I swallowed it down and tried to let it go. At least he had thought to set the bottle on the nightstand.

A shower was absolutely necessary after a night like it had been. Dee decided to join me and, luckily, we weren't late to work.

However, Dee might as well have pumped liquid aspirin into my system via my veins the way he kept pressing me to take them. He must know by now, after the few hangovers he's had to deal with me through, I was not going to be a happy person.

But, I'm sure no one is.

We had to deal with more paperwork, witness paperwork, which we had put off for today. I tried to work in peace, but Dee kept rubbing his face and hair like they were falling off.

"Do you have fleas or something?" I said, smiling a little at him.

"I must." He grunted.

"Great, now I have to give you a flea-bath."

He grunted again. I was surprised. I expected him to make some nasty joke. Instead he just excused himself to the bathroom.

* * *

**Dee's POV**

I was not liking this new feeling. My thought had almost suddenly become obsessed with pulling the bag out of my pocket and cutting a line for myself right there on the desk. That was accompanied with an almost constant shaking. But not a shaking like I had too much energy, a quake like I was going to fall apart. I felt like pieces of me were going to start peeling off and hitting the floor. I knew how to get it to go away. Yet I put it off and put it off, until Ryo started saying things about how I was trying to keep it all together.

His attention scared me so badly, made me think he knew why I was acting the way I was, made me think he was smiling because he was keeping it a secret for me.

I went into the bathroom, but I couldn't do it there. I could see a pair of shoes under the door of one of the stalls. They looked frighteningly similar to Berkley's. I hurried to the locker room. After making sure no one else was hanging out in there I pulled the bag out and kneeled by one of the metal benches. A dollar bill rolled and a credit card whipped out and a good amount of the powder dumped out on the metal and I was ready.

I cut carefully, working the chunks into finer parts so it wouldn't bother me going in. My hands continued to shake until I had two sexy snowdrifts set up.

I did one and sat back, feeling the change in the way my hands moved almost immediately. I leaned in for the other one, but stopped. My eyes had caught someone else's. Eyes watching me in the strangest moment of need I'd ever experienced.

It took me a moment for recognition to kick in.

It was Drake. I'd been followed. Ryo had sent Drake after me. To see what I was doing. He was spying on me. With Drake. Who was Drake to be put in the middle of all this?

"Dee?" He asked.

"What?" was all I could think to say.

"Oh my God. Dee!" He said.

I watched him, caught and tense.

"So what I overheard the other day…?" He trailed off and I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. "You're really-?"

"No." I said. But that line was looking really juicy.

That was when it hit me. I was. I was using cocaine. I was kneeling, on my knees, snorting coke off of a metal bench that who knows how many men have sat on bare-assed. I could stop. I could stop right now, but I knew I wasn't going to. I didn't want to feel what I felt this morning ever again. I think Drake saw all of this on my face because he spoke again when the fingers holding the makeshift snorting device twitched with hunger to get the job over with.

"Dee, don't." He hesitated when I glared up at him. "We can get you help."

I imagined him pulling me out of there, shame all over my face, and taking me up to Rose's office where we would have a long talk, then they would dry me out and make me feel like I had been.

I suddenly felt deeply sorry for all the people that had been put in the detox room that I had kicked the doors of if they made noise and told them it wasn't that bad, that they were blowing it out of proportion.

I felt what they were feeling now and I knew it _was_ that bad and I was not blowing it out of proportion. They were going to make me go through it.

"No." I said to Drake again. "I don't need help."

"Are you sure?" His eyes snuck down to the bench and what I had there.

"I know it looks bad, but I'm okay, really. I'm working on this, I'm doing good." I could almost smell the bullshit seeping out of my ears.

"And Ryo knows?" he asked.

"Yeah, but don't mention this to him. He didn't want anyone else to know. I can't have anyone know." I was suddenly rocking myself back and forth, wanting Drake to leave so I could finish.

"Are you addicted?" he asked.

"I don't know. No." Even that felt like a lie, when I knew it shouldn't have.

Drake nodded and left. I had expected him to drag me off kicking and screaming. But he turned a blind eye. Like Ryo had. Unless he went off to tell Ryo what I was in here doing.

That thought in mind I hurriedly sucked up that other line and put my stuff away. I stood and walked calmly, if quickly, back to the office.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know, short chapter. I couldn't think of what to do. But the next one will be much better than this one. I just needed to get this one out so I could move on with the plot. I SWEAR THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER! DON'T HATE ME!!!

Chaddieboi


	9. Help Me

**DISCLAIMER: Sanami Matoh made up the characters, except Craig, I came up with the situations…**

Chapter 9: Help Me

_Two months later…_

**Ryo's POV**

Weeks passed, months. Dee seemed to draw away from me as the time passed. It was gradual at first, then more pronounced. I had thought that after only three years we would still be inseparable, even outside of the office.

However, instead of closer, Dee wanted a little more time to himself. He even started spending only three days a week in my bed.

At first I tried not to think much of it. Like he said, he probably just needed some space.

I tried so hard not to be suspicious. It proved to be increasingly difficult as the days went on. Dee slowly lost more and more weight and he became more and more frantic in our lovemaking.

If those didn't make me suspicious enough, every word he spoke seemed to reek of aggravation and impatience.

So, basically, I knew. I knew he was using that disgusting stuff the whole time. I knew he never stopped.

I wondered why he even bothered hiding it from me. I wondered why he constantly lied to me. I thought about telling him I knew, but I didn't know how he would react to me wanting him to stop, especially in his strange and constant new condition.

At first, I knew when he was on it, and when he wasn't. But as the weeks passed, I became less certain. He always seemed to jump at loud noises and flinch if something moved into his line of vision too quickly.

It was a wonder no one at the precinct noticed his finicky behavior or reported it Berkley. I thought he was remarkably transparent.

What was strange was that he never seemed paranoid or anything. I guess he thought he was invisible, invincible even.

It was probably all a part of being on the drug, he didn't think he would ever get caught.

To top it off, he had been so mean lately, yelling at Bikky and Carol, even me. He didn't ever bother apologizing either.

Bikky kept asking me what was wrong with him. How do I explain these things to an impressionable teenager? He thought we were fighting and frequently told me to make up with him so he would stop being so cruel. I couldn't tell him Dee was abusing a lethal drug and that's what was giving him his moods.

And no matter how much Bikky denied it, we both knew he really looked up to Dee more than he looked up to me.

If Bikky found out what Dee was doing, he might try it, or subconsciously seek it out, despite his past and his who father was. It would just make my job that much more difficult, keeping him in school, which was hard enough as it was, and out of Juvie.

Not to mention what it would do to his mind and body. And what it was doing to Dee's.

I didn't want to think about all the possible ill effects it would have on all of us in the end, but I forced myself to research it.

I stole JJ's laptop while Dee was off somewhere and Google-searched "cocaine effects." That search came up with terrifying answers some of which, most of which, I already knew. But the fact that I had looked them up because I was afraid for Dee's life made the whole situation real.

I read horrifying stories on a memorial website about the person getting high and driving his truck into his family's kitchen, killing himself and his girlfriend, who was three months pregnant and in the passenger seat. I read about interventions gone wrong, during one of which the intervened brutalized his sister and disappeared, only to be found a few days later in a trashy motel room, dead by apparent overdose. I read a particular story that was written by a woman who had witnessed her friend's overdose. She described in great detail what she looked like, her face, the way her body had moved. While I read I couldn't help imagining it was Dee flopping around on the floor, eyes rolled back. **(1)**

I thought back to my searches while I watched Dee pick at his dinner. I had watched his usually beastly appetite dwindle so much…

Bikky had gone to bed early, having spent all day out on the courts, which was convenient because today was the day I was planning on confronting Dee.

"Dee?" I murmured, setting my fork down, preparing for launch.

"Hm?" Dee's green irises peered up from under his dark lashes at me, so similar to the way he had looked up at me that night four years ago when he had engaged me in, up to that point, the hottest kiss of my life.

I briefly took in how sunken his cheeks were, the dark bags under his eyes and the jutting collar bone I could detect just under his thin shirt.

"What?" He said.

"I just…" I knew I couldn't do it now. "I just, I love you."

"I love you too." He threw me a quick smile and continued to pick.

I had lost my nerve. I cursed myself silently while I watched him. My certainty seemed like it was leaking out of me. It was hard to think of Dee as a druggy. It was even harder to tell him that was what he was to his face. And to want to.

"I think we need to talk." I started again.

"About?"

"But maybe we should wait…" I was so indecisive.

"Well, you want to talk, we should talk." He gave me an annoyed face.

"Okay." I took a breath and didn't know what to say. "Well, look… I know there's something going on… that you don't want me to know about."

"And?" He wasn't even fazed.

"And I know about it."

"Know about what?" He raised his eyebrows nonchalantly.

"Don't play dumb with me, Dee!" I snapped. He seemed so cool and collected and I felt anything but. I rubbed my face and calmed a little. "I know about… that you never stopped doing it after your undercover bust. Alright?"

Dee sat back and sulked.

"You don't know anything." He glared.

"I do know. I don't care if you believe me." Dee crossed his arms over his chest.

"And you want me to 'get help'?"

"Not in so many words. I want you to stop."

"On my own?" He shifted and seemed a little more comfortable with the conversation.

"Yes. If you feel you can. I don't want to bring Berkley or anyone else into it. I could help you, if you want."

"No, I can do it. I'm almost out anyway. I might as well."

"Okay, good." I nodded, relieved to have the whole conversation over with. It was surprisingly anti-climatic.**(2)**

We each had a glass of wine, 1963, because that was all Dee bought now. I kissed him first, which led us to the bedroom.

Dee tried to excuse himself to the bathroom, but I knew what he was going to do in there, which I told him.

It's a painful conversation to ever have with a lover, trying so hard to convince him to make love to me sober. And to have him nearly throwing a fit about it before giving in because I threatened not to give in to him.

But we were on track now.

* * *

**Dee's POV**

So I told Ryo I would quit, told him I was almost out. However, he didn't know I had access to a locker full of the stuff. A locker that was in danger if he knew about it. And judging by his 'I know all you've been up to' attitude, he knew. So it was in danger and I must save it.

I bought a lock I could personalize the combo for and snuck down to locker number 92, whispering to Craig that someone had called in saying they knew what locker it was in and threatening to steal it back. With this I secured my ability to visit the vault any time without suspicion.

I hid the stash in locker 47 and applied the new lock. Only I knew the combination now. Not even Craig knew it. I wanted it that way. This way only I would have access to it.

All went well until I forgot to pocket my freshly filled little bag. I walked all the way back up to the office with it clenched in my fist. It seemed like everyone in the room was staring at me while I put it away. The paranoia on the back of my neck flared up as I realized I'd been watched by two sets of eyes. Drake's and Ryo's, both unaware of each other, but very aware of me.

* * *

_Another month later…_

**(3)** I sat back and frowned at the white lines I had cut myself.

They seemed to have dictated my life lately. Maybe I just let everything get to me. Maybe I let the lines get to me. Or maybe I just finally got hooked.

Glancing around my empty apartment, I decided to experiment on myself. I would leave it spread out on the table like it was, and do something else.

I washed the dishes, but there weren't enough to keep me occupied for long. So I decided to clean my room. All I thought while I cleaned was that if I were spun it would get done a lot faster and without all the aches and pains of all the work. I finished nonetheless and sat, slipper-covered feet up on the table, and tried to watch TV without those pesky cords of coke distracting me. I wanted them, knew that. But, did I _need_ them?

My eyes drifted to them again, yet I refused to lean down to them, refused to let myself fall to the power they now seemed to have over me.

I crossed my legs up on the couch and chewed on one of my nails, pulled at my hair, messed with my clothes, refining every flaw and curled the folds on each other.

Something tight wove its way into my stomach. My hands wrung themselves and I knew it was a physical craving. I made a mental connection at last. The want I always felt was really the _need, _or the beginning of it. I sat there and let myself sink into the depths of the craving, wanting to know how painful it would get and wondering if I should just quit now, like Ryo would want me to. The tight feeling in my stomach grew into an ache, a hunger. A couple minutes later and I was shaking, sweating.

I hadn't done any in almost a whole day, but now I knew what had been feeling different lately. Suddenly, I felt dirty, felt like a junky, grimy and disgusting.

Those lines were quickly snorted and I called Ryo's number.

"Hey, Dee, what's up?"

"You have to come over, you have to take my mind off things."

"What things? Are you… are you freaking out?"

"No, just, just come over, I want you here."

"Dee, I'm making dinner, I can't leave the stove on because you're having a freak-out-"

"Please, please, what if one day I do have a freak-out and end up jumping out the window or drowning or something?"

"Is that what this is?" Ryo asked softly.

"I don't know!" I lied. I knew it wasn't, I just wanted Ryo here.

"Okay, don't move, stay where you are, alright? I'll be there in a couple minutes."

We hung up and I briefly felt guilty for lying to Ryo and making him leave Bikky alone just because I realized I was addicted to the stuff he kept telling me to stop using.

So I sat on the couch, head in hands, shaking because I wasn't moving. I would have cried, but I couldn't muster any emotion. I tried to hold on to the cold I felt but before a minute had passed I was sobbing. I'm not sure how to explain or even understand why I was crying. Maybe fear, fear of how it would all end up now that I was hooked, I felt doomed. Like I was done for and some day I would die because of it.

Suddenly, a thick, terrifying suffocation breathed into me. I was going to die today, I was sure of it. My hand moved itself to my chest, my quick heartbeat twisted itself through my hand, up my arm and all the way through my entire body. The discordant pulsing was intensifying, really starting to scare me, when Ryo came in.

"Dee, are you okay?" He stood nearby, just in front of me.

My wide eyes met his, my tear-streaked face turned up to him, my heart still pounding through me.

"Are you okay, can you hear me?" I nodded and Ryo licked his lips, kneeled in front of me. He brushed his fingertips across my cheek and watched my eyes. "What's wrong, baby?" I felt my lips tremble.

"I'm addicted." I murmured. Ryo lowered his eyes a little. **(4)**

"You know for sure?" He asked.

"Yeah." Ryo lunged up into my arms, making me jump from his suddenness. He squeezed me hard and I returned the embrace.

"What can I do to help, Dee? You need to tell me." Ryo choked out, smothering himself in my boney shoulder.

"I need to get help. I need to go to rehab or something." I was mortified by the words coming out of my mouth. It was the last thing I wanted, but I knew it was the first thing I needed. Ryo needed it, and I had to do it. It had gotten that bad.

I had indirectly forced Ryo to watch me got through this. I had made him wait in the middle of sex while I leaned over the bedside table to get a fix. More than once. I had thought things had been improving between us because he allowed it, and enabled me to continue on with life under that dangerous influence. As long as kept a firm eye on me.

Things had not improved, they had stagnated, gone sour. Now I had the chance to fix it all. Everything would be better after I came back from rehab. But I would have to tell Rose, so I could get the time off.

I swore right then and there that I would go through it no matter what. I would make everything better.

But first I had to tell Ryo about the vault and the combination. I would have to do it subtly, because I couldn't just tell him where and what, it was a little embarrassing. So I taped the combo to the back of the lock on locker 47. I would eventually get around to telling him which locker it was.

Still, I needed those sticky beads of bliss, I would stop the minute I was shipped off, but not before. I couldn't go through that in front of Bikky, and it would kill Ryo to see me like that.

After my time in the center, which Ryo arranged, I would be a new man. And I would improve myself to no end. I would become super-Dee again, but this time, completely sober.

I would start all over again, and do it right.

All I had this one shot, and hell if I wasn't going to take it.

* * *

**(1)** Don't go looking for these stories, I made them up.

**(2)** Exactly what I thought after writing it. (It's also what I thought after being arrested for having that shit on campus) Hm, surprisingly anti-climatic. It was!

**(3) **Most of this part is taken directly from the story I mentioned before- my Craig/Alex story. If I ever publish that one, if I ever finish it, I will put in a disclaimer that the book is mine and I have given myself expressed permission to use it in my own fanfic. Although some little parts were edited to fit this story.

**(4) **This is the end of the section taken from "Never Again." Originally, Alex had been called home from work and told Craig he had known he was addicted and then promptly pulled out a big bag that he promised would "Take him to the moon." They toast to the moon after doing lines of that as Craig was peeking, which sent him straight into euphoria. Then they went out dancing.

A/N: Sorry for how ridiculously long it took me to get this one out. I've been distracted! I went to a Hedwig and the Angry Inch show and decided I have to try out to play Yitzhak! (I hope that's how it's spelled!) So I've bought the movie and the soundtrack and have been obsessively repeating them. I'm proud of how much effort I'm putting into it and how much I have down so far.  So, but yes. Welcome to my tangled web, IrishKaoru, And thank you so much for the PM, and the only way I'm writing this now is because I am depending on what I hope is the fact that no one I know reads my fanfictions… (except my cousin, hi) I have two others on another name, but one sucks and the other I'm trying to figure how to put it on my new name. And delete my old name. So, The next chapter will be out maybe tomorrow, but more likely next week. I've already got a good idea of what I'm going to be doing with the next one. Jeez, I hope people actually read my Author's Notes, cause I put an awful lot of effort into them.

Till next chapter

Chaddieboi


	10. The Last Line

**DISCLAIMER:** **Original characters belong to Sanami Matoh, NOT ME!**

**I want to apologize in advance for the fact that I said I would have it out last week, but I was not within arms length of a computer (camping has that effect, generally), the whole week. And I had not had my written version of this chapter with me at all this week until yesterday, and yesterday I was most frightfully busy! So, now, here it is! So sorry for the two-week delay! **

**Chapter Ten****: The Last Line**

**Dee's POV**

Ryo sat quietly next to me, hands folded modestly in his lap. I swallowed and tried to think of how to start. Berkley watched me intently over the rim of his glasses. His harsh mouth and bitter eyebrows alone made me crave a fat rail.

Do you remember ah…five months ago, when I had that big undercover bust and I… used cocaine to keep from blowing my cover?" I asked him, wishing I had held off until after this meeting for my fix.

"Of course I do. That was kind of a big deal. I didn't even punish you for that one either. Is that why you wanted to talk to me?" he glanced at Ryo.

"No sir, it's something, uh, else. We have a bit of a request." Ryo looked over at me. He said he wanted me to do it. He had told me he wanted me to admit it to Rose myself.

"Well, since then I've developed a problem of sorts…" I trailed off, fiddling with my jeans.

"What kind of problem?" His question made the whole situation seem staged. I knew Rose was smarter than that, he just wanted me to say it.

"A habit. Um, I'm addicted to, uh, cocaine." I put my forehead in the palm of my hand and sighed.

"Well, the first step is admitting to it." Rose said calmly. "Congratulations. Now, where's the stash? Craig says only you know exactly where and only you know the combination. What is it?"

I was taken aback by his business façade.

"I'll only tell Ryo. But not until I leave. Which is kind of why we needed to talk to you. I'm- I'm going to rehab. Ryo set it all up, I just need to ask you for the time off. It's only for thirty days-"

"Look, Dee." Berkley stood and came around to sit on his desk just in front of me. "I understand. I really do, okay? My father was an alcoholic an my mother an enabler-" he glanced at Ryo, who lowered his eyes shamefully, realizing that was exactly what he had been for me, "so take all the time you need." He stood and held his hand out for me to shake. "Normally in this kind of situation in which you would be going away for an extended amount of time I would offer Ryo my company in the evenings, but I recognize the seriousness of this particular situation. So, will you trust that I will not set foot in his apartment unless expressly invited, and I swear I will not set one uninvited finger on him before you are back on the clock." I squeezed his hand, truly touched by his promise.

"Thank you, sir." Ryo blushed furiously.

"But don't take advantage of the time you have off, alright? Or I'll take advantage of your precious Ryo." I nodded. "When are you heading out?"

"Saturday." I answered.

"Oh, that soon? Well, look, take the rest of the week off then. Good luck." He patted me roughly on the back and Ryo and I were out in the hall.

"So, that went surprisingly well." Ryo squeezed my arm compassionately. Rose's door opened again and he poked his head out.

"Ryo, you can have tomorrow off too."

"Thanks, chief." The door snapped shut again.

"It was so kind of Chief Berkley Rose to give us one whole day off." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, what did you expect? We did wait until the Thursday before you leave." Ryo walked back to our desks with me slowly, his pinky brushing mine.

"What are we going to tell Bikky?" I asked as we sat. "I mean, he's a smart kid. He'll figure it out, especially if you try to lie to him."

"I don't know- hey!" Ryo grinned and kicked me under the desk playfully.

"Spousal abuse! I could have you arrested!" I joked. Ryo chuckled and we fell silent, the serious mood returning. "I'll talk to him I'll probably tell him the truth. I don't want to lie to the poor kid."

Ryo hesitated before nodding in agreement.

* * *

"Hey, Bik." I sat on his bed gingerly. "There's something I need to tell you, alright?"

"Are you and Ryo breaking up?" Almost immediately Bikky's eyes clouded with tears.

"No." I assured him gently.

"Oh." He sniffled. "Well, good, cause I'd have to hurt you if you were." He tried to pull his tough act out far too late. I'd seen the cracks and what was below the surface. "Then are you getting married?" he sat up a little straighter.

"No, it's not that either." I paused, trying to think of how to word it so it wouldn't sound too bad. 'I'm going to be… going away for a while."

"So you are breaking up?" I was unprepared for Bikky's lunge and tight hug around my middle.

"No no no no no," I cooed. "I did something dumb and messed a lot of stuff up, so I was given something like a vacation to make things better."

Bikky eyed me skeptically and I knew he was starting to get some sort of picture.

"For how long?"

"Thirty days, and tomorrow."

"Well, where are you going?" Here it comes, late and unexpected.

"Minnesota." I replied.

"Can't Ryo and I go with you?"

"No, monkey, you have school and Ryo has work."

"So, why Minnesota?"

"Okay, look. I'm going to be straight with you."

"Good luck." Bikky smirked and I knew I was going to miss tat stupid little expression.

"Hey, I'm half straight." I said defensively.

"No such thing." I wished I could have given him a noogie for that one, but had to refrain.

"Okay, well. I'm checking into a rehab." I cleared my throat while Bikkychewed on that one.

"A rehab?"

"Yeah. And it's in Minnesota because it's for old fags like me."**(1)**

"For what?" he looked panicked now, "Not to one to make you straight, I thought those only existed in movies!"

"No. For drugs."

His jaw dropped.

"What did you do? Did Rose force you to go?"

"I made the decision on my own, and I'm so sorry for the way I've been. I know I've been an all-around asshole lately, but I know it's because of the drug."

"What drug?" he asked, nervous and tentative.

"Cocaine." I finally answered.

"Dee-" Bik attacked me with another hug and I squeezed him. The little punk was going to miss me, and I was certainly going to miss him.

* * *

**Friday Evening**

"Could you help me with him, Dee?" Ryo whispered, trying to pull Bikky up off the couch and me, where he had fallen asleep during the movie.

Tomorrow at noon was my flight to Soberland for good. I had cut back my usage a little in the past week. I only did it once each day.

I helped Ryo pry Bikky's limp, snoring body up and into his bed. I kissed the sleeping boy's forehead, feeling strangely paternal.

"I'll get us some wine." Ryo muttered, touching my shoulder and leaving the room. I watched Bikky sleep a moment longer before flicking off the light and heading out to Ryo where he waited on the couch.

"1963?" I inquired.

"What else?" Ryo returned quietly.

We sat together, sipping.

"We'll have more days like today when I get back, I promise." We had spent the day in Central Park, watching the street performers and eating hot dogs. Ryo had even initiated holding my hand.

I spliffed in a bathroom stall and used my high to play an unmerciful game of tag with Bikky. When the sun went down Bikky was adamant that I had to watch a certain movie with them before I went to rehab.

Appropriately, he rented _Blow_, with Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz. I had seen the movie when it first came out, but seen through fresh, addicted eyes it was painfully touching. Ryo had snuggled against my shoulder, sniffling while I clung to Bikky's sleeping body like old George Jung held his daughter whom he imagined had come to visit him in prison at the end of the movie. I had felt the tears well in my own eyes as the girl vanished and Johnny Depp looked around, bewildered before telling the guard he would have a visitor tomorrow, his daughter. The guard gave a casual reply and it faded to black. A picture of the real George Jung appeared, saying the year he was to be released on parole and that his daughter had yet to visit him.

I immediately decided I would have to call Bikky and Ryo from rehab at least once a day, If not just to tell them I loved them.

"Sad movie." I said down to my wine.

Ryo nodded. "Very. I hope he saw his daughter when he got out."

"Me too."

"Life's too short." Ryo set his glass down and I followed suit. "Family is the most important thing in life ."

I reached his hands, gripping them tight, and pulled him to me for a kiss. We stayed like that for a long time, just making out, and no other thoughts on our minds except our mouths together. After all that agonizing time, we finally made our way to the bedroom, hand-in-hand.

Even then everything was slow and warm. We covered ourselves with the crisp white sheets and Ryo caressed my back and shoulders while I made love to him.

Afterwards Ryo breathed into my ear how brave I was and how much he loved me, which I breathed back to him. We closed our eyes and everything was right in the world.

* * *

Morning came and my packed bags were taken to the car.

Bikky and I shared a long good-bye hug before Ryo and I left. The drive wasn't too long, but I was getting impatient. The last bit of what I had was in my pocket, rubbing against my leg with an almost sexual kind of anticipation.

We pulled up to the curb and I calmly told Ryo where he would find the post-it with the locker number on it, then excused myself to the bathroom while he pulled out my luggage.

Once I was firmly on my Charlie Ride I headed back out to say good-bye to Ryo. That last line had been a real whopper. It didn't look like it had been so much in the bag, but once I was trying to get it all into my nose I almost had to struggle.

I was next to Ryo in seconds flat, and I felt like raw energy, feeding off him. We were at the furthest point he could go and we hugged like mad.

"I love you so much, Dee."

"I love you too, Ryo." I inhaled his gentle scent and groaned into his ear. "You think we could sneak into a stall together for like ten minutes?" I noticed some coke I didn't remember spilling on my hand and quickly brought it to my mouth. Ryo watched with a frown of disapproval while I tried to fight my difficult lungs for breath. **(2)**

All of a sudden the whole world fell into the sky and the floor was sucking everyone down where they stood and holding on to them so tight, to keep from crushing all us trapped people in the airport. I had Ryo by the shoulders, tight, too tight, I knew I was hurting him.

"I'm dying." I said, then I couldn't breathe at all. I was as if all the precious oxygen I'd never noticed before was sucked out of my lungs. I was in vacuum, and my eyes were about to pop out of my head. My thousands of heartbeats crossed and re-crossed loudly and the ground finally yanked me down to its ungiving breast.

My face went cold from the wind of Ryo slapping me as hard as he could. The muscles in my body did things I didn't tell them to, then nothing.

* * *

**Ryo's POV**

Weeks passed, months. Except with the passage of time things did not change. Everything in my life stagnated. Without Dee I just simply did not want to live. I no longer had anything to look forward to, be it a warm night together or a dirty innuendo.

When I told Bikky his attendance at school dropped from mildly upsetting to astonishingly abhorrent. I heard from his teachers that he only went one whole day a week and maybe an odd class here or there. Despite my desire to try and straighten him out, I couldn't find it in myself to confront him about it.

After eventually breaking down and telling Berkley what had happened, it started affecting my performance at work. Before I told Rose, I was able to pretend Dee had safely gotten to rehab and was on the road to recovery. Afterward it became so I could hardly get myself out of bed, much less to work on time. It was partially because of the way Rose would look at me, and how he would offer support, kind words, and nerve-wracking squeezes to my shoulders. A few weeks of these "comforts" had questions rising from co-workers.

"What's up with you and Rose?" "Where's Dee?" "Did he take a vacation without you?" "Did Berkley move in on you or something?" And I could never answer, I didn't know what to say because they didn't know about the problem Dee had gotten himself into or the rehab idea. All they knew was that Dee was missing and I was not blushing or pushing Berkley off when he touched me.

This produced rumors that I had cheated on Dee with Rose and Dee had been transferred. I watched Berkley vehemently deny the rumors several times and we quickly grew weary of denying everything that my co-workers could throw at us. So, we sat in silence while the accusations flew.

A couple of months of this torture passed, constantly being reminded of Dee and that he wouldn't be coming back, Berkley decided it was time to tell the precinct what had happened. With my tacit, he headed into his office. I waited a few minutes, petrified of the looks I would get after this. It would be Rose multiplied by the whole of the 27th. I wouldn't be able to handle all that pity, I would drown in it.

I tried to discreetly make my way to the men's room, but I know I visibly flinched when the PA crackled on.

"Attention officers, this is your chief Berkley Rose, I have an announcement." I hurried into an unoccupied stall while Berkley's cool voice echoed around me. "I am aware of this situation and I apologize sincerely for delaying this announcement for the near six months I have." I stood in that tiny stall, hugging myself and imagining that perhaps Dee had done a line or two in this very stall. It, obscenely enough, made me feel secure. "One of the men on the force, Detective De Laytner, has passed on." I covered my ears, clenching my eyes shut, not wanting to hear or even think that it was possible. "It was not work-related and I urge you, please do not approach Ryo about it. If you would like to talk Jenika is available in room J4 or I am available in my office. Thank you."

I was sobbing before the end of the announcement.

* * *

The next day Berkley conducted a moment of silence an hour after I arrived at work. The instant he thanked us for our assumed respect I opened my drawer and there sat the sticky note.

"_Locker 47, combo is on the back of the lock, I love you. –D"_

I had looked at that sticky note at least a hundred times each day since I lost him. But I hadn't yet gone down to the vaults. I took the post-it and slowly made my way toward Rose's office. On my way Drake gripped my shoulder and gave me a soft, understanding smile. I nodded to him.

"How are you doing?" Berkley asked me immediately, sweeping his glasses off and setting his notes aside, making me his number one priority.

"Okay." I held the post-it between my fingers nervously. I didn't want to ask him what I was about to, but I knew I would anyway. It's not like I weird about him seeing me weak, he's seen me worse than anyone ever had.

I'm not just saying he's seen me cry, nothing at all that light. I'm talking fetal position, prone on the floor outside my bathroom door, crying in the loud, scary way. When I had finally absorbed that I would never see Dee again Bikky stopped sleeping in the apartment with me. It was because of the crying that he slept at Carol's exclusively, but I couldn't blame him. I scared myself shitless when I let loose those sobs and feared someone would break down the door to stop the murder going on inside.

"I know where his…" I fiddled with the sticky note and watched my fingers. "I know where the stash is. I can go now." I stepped forward and stuck the note to Berkley's desk so he could read it. He leaned forward to and looked up at me from under his eyelashes. Like Dee used to.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Please."

Rose came down with me to the vaults. Craig avoided our eyes and pretended to concentrate on his book.

The harsh lighting made my head ache as I paved the way for Rose down the aisle. I sought out locker 47. I found it and stood there, re-reading the post-it. Berkley came up close, arm around my shoulders, squeezing tenderly.

I flipped up the lock and covered my mouth, leaning into Rose.

_19-6-3_

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face into Berkley's shoulder, hands gripping tightly to the sides of his suit while he wrapped me up, safe and warm in his arms.

Fin.

* * *

**(1) Proud Institute is where Augusten Burroughs went for alcoholism, it is in Minnesota and is for homo-, bi-, and trans- sexuals. Which to Burroughs was a good thing because they all got into gossip. It doesn't sound funny when I say it, but he makes it laughable the way he writes. **

**(2) The following is also from my Alex/Craig story.**

**(3) I have never, personally, OD'd. I don't know how it feels or anything, the only person I know who OD'd on anything OD'd on tweak, and he doesn't remember a thing. **

**A/N: OH MY GOD!! Dee died???? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have killed him off, I know, but I did! That is the end of this story now, so shoo! I'm kidding. I might make a continuation, as many people do after killing off a main character. I always seem to kill people off in my stories. Like my Alex/Craig- right after Alex finally tells Craig that he loves him, he dies, the end. Ouch. So, Review PEASE!!! Tell me whether or not I should continue killing my characters off or if I've been doing wrong since I started writing? **

**Hope you read any other nuts I may bust out on this cite, or Fictionpress. **

**BTW- I moved "All I Need and More" from fanfiction to fictionpress, or am in the process of doing so. If you are interested, my name there is the same as it is here. Hope you enjoy this chapter, it most likely will be the last.**


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